


Innocuous New Dawn

by UltimateDespairs



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Bullying, But mostly fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, SDR2 Spoilers, Slow Burn, but i love him so, bye bye junko, even if you like komahina don't read this until you finish SDR2, hinata becoming a butler, it spoils hinata's backstory, kind of in DR3 verse but I pretend that DR3 never happened, ko angsting a lot, komahina summer exchange, really Matsuda is only in it for like a little bit, so like. Prequel-AU I suppose, tbh hinata also angsts a lot, things this fic includes, we shipped junko off on a boat i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateDespairs/pseuds/UltimateDespairs
Summary: My Gift for the Komahina Summer Exchange 2017 on Tumblr.Hinata Hajime is a disgruntled student of the Reserve Course, tired of feeling inferior and self loathing, and is offered the opportunity of a lifetime to become Hope itself. How could he refuse?Komaeda Nagito is a enigmatic Main Course student who thinks he's been brought to Hope's Peak to witness the fruits of Hope, thinking of the reserves as a necessary leech and obstacle on his path to witness such beauty.Do you know, though, what true hope is?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hananocha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hananocha/gifts).



How they met, really, was quite innocuous.

“You think you’re better than us…just because of something like ‘luck.” One of the reserves slammed his ankle sharply, and Komaeda winced against the tree, face expressionless as the other reserves voiced their approval.

_I definitely deserve this. Having such filth touch me is definitely unlucky…but this is my price for getting into the birthplace of true hope…!_

It was no wonder, really, that the reserves hated him so fiercely; they had paid quite a lot to get even close to Hope’s Peak Academy, and yet here was Komaeda, selected at random for ‘luck,’ and getting to get in without paying the fees.

It would definitely be upsetting to those that had paid thousands to get in. Of course.

And of course, his class had to know that - they had to know that the reserves would be resentful of him. But that hadn’t stopped them from asking him to run an errand and take some important documents to the Reserve Building.

Of course, he hadn’t refused - how could he refuse the manifestations of hope itself? - so he was equally to blame.

Equally to blame…

He felt a knee dig into his stomach, and doubled over, coughing into his hand violently. Damn. For reserves, they really can be strong…

He wondered what good luck would make up for this. He could feel himself shiver with excitement just at the thought.

_So exciting…to know that my good luck is just around the corner._

“None of the other real Ultimates will even come to help you,” one of the reserves cruelly pointed out, and he looked up in surprise.

“…Why…would they?” he managed, coughing. He couldn’t help the instinctive reply. And the instinctive laugh.

“Why would real Ultimates even come near here? To this place devoid of talent and hope…? Why would they even -”  _come for someone like me_ , he’d been about to say, when another fist smashed across his face.

“Shut up! You’re not better than us! You just got lucky!”

“All that running around with Ultimates has made you way too arrogant.”

“You need to learn your proper place.”

There were about five or six around him, angrily glaring and clad in matching uniforms.

He swallowed.  _I’ll definitely…get good luck from such a beat down…ah…_

“What the hell are you doing!?”

He heard a voice snap, and thought it was directed at himself - but no, that wasn’t a voice he’d heard speak up before. He looked up as the other reserves tensed, seeing a boy standing behind them, hand on his hip and glaring violently.

Ah. Another reserve….

“Oi, Hinata, stay out of that,” the boy walking next to him urged. “That’s Komaeda Nagito, after all -”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is.” The boy - Hinata, apparently - pushed the other’s hand off his shoulder, walking over to the group. Hinata wasn’t the most imposing figure - Nidai or even Pekoyama would have sent him running for the hills - but among reserves, at least, he looked strong and well built, and just an inch or so shorter than him - and Komaeda was quite tall. They boy he’d been walking with gave a sigh, and continued without him.

“Is this how you get your kicks, outnumbering someone and beating the crap out of them?” Hinata’s hands were tight on his messenger bag strap, but he stayed firm.

“It’s not just someone,” one of the reserves argued, “he’s Komaeda Nagito. You know, the Ultimate Lucky Student. As if that’s a talent.”  
  
One of the others spit, and the others nodded along like sheep. Komaeda felt his cheeks burn slightly - needing to have a reserve come to his defense…how humiliating…

“From the draw?” Hinata scoffed. “Please. As if any of you wouldn’t have taken that offer if you’d won. Why should this kid get cornered just because of something you all would have agreed to?”  
  
The others sputtered random, unimportant defenses, as Komaeda got to his knees, taking a handkerchief from his bag and rubbing it against his bleeding nose.

“Cut it out,” Hinata finally said. “No one deserves to be on their knees like that. I don’t care if he’s the biggest ass in the world.”

The reserves looked among each other, then clicked their tongues.

“…Fine. Whatever, Hinata. We’ll blow off for the day,” one of them finally said, “happy?”

Hinata grunted, and the other’s dispersed. Komaeda was hoping this ‘Hinata’ would simply follow suit. But instead, he reached a hand down, making Komaeda look up with a startled gasp.

“…Do you need help? Ugh. I swear, some of these guys can be the worst.”

Komaeda blinked in surprise. He was sticking around? Hadn’t he gotten enough fill for his apparent hero complex? Ugh, he’d been beat on by a group of reserves, and then humiliated and saved by another…how utterly…unlucky…

He met the other’s green gaze for a few moments, feeling the wind run through both their hair, before he pushed himself up with a huff. His stomach and face still hurt, and he was sure his ankle would bruise, but he merely scoffed.

“…I don’t need help from a reserve,” he snapped, watching the other’s surprised face, apparently not knowing how to react to that. Komaeda glared at the ground, picking up his bag and leaving without another word.

It’ll be alright, he thought, as he heard the other’s sputtered cries behind him, good luck will come from such humiliation.

But to his surprise, nothing extraordinary happened for the rest of the day.

–

It was a few weeks before he met Hinata yet again.

He’d been pummeled by another group of reserves, this time a little worse than normal. They were probably irritated by the time Hinata told them off, and took their anger out on him. That made sense. Instead of going straight home, he’d decided to head to Matsuda’s office.

To his surprise, the door was slightly open, and he could hear Matsuda talking to someone in a hushed voice.

“…You have all the time to think about this project, you know,” he heard him say in his usual sharp voice. “I’m serious, Hinata - if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

“I don’t care what happens,” Hinata shot back. “If…If I can become…someone better…then that’s all that matters…”

Komaeda tilted his head - Hinata? Could it be the same…Hinata from before? Hinata was a pretty common name, though…

I don’t know of any Ultimates named Hinata, though. So they must be a reserve…

In that case, why was Matsuda talking to a reserve…? He was an Ultimate himself, so it seemed especially odd.

“If…I can become Hope…then…that’s…fine…”

His ears perked up especially at that, and he leaned in closer.

“…You have two months to decide, Hinata. Don’t rush something like this,” Matsuda finally said, after a long period of shuffling papers and silence filling the room. “Understand? Get at least that through that reserve brain of yours.”

Komaeda figured it’d be a bad idea if Hinata walked out and caught him listening - so he straightened up after another moment, and pushed open the door.

Besides, I shouldn’t be eavesdropping an Ultimate…

“Ah, Matsuda-kun…I didn’t realize someone else was here.”

Indeed, just as he’d suspected, it was the same reserve student from before - the one with lackluster hazel eyes and chestnut coloured hair that curled up sharply at the top. Hinata gave a jerk, and his eyes flooded with recognition - but Komaeda didn’t say anything to indicate he knew or recognized the other at all.

“…Geez, cotton head, you look like something the cat dragged in. What the hell happened this time?”

“Oh! Nothing you need to be concer -”

“It was reserves again, wasn’t it?”

Hinata spoke up, crossing his arms, a disapproving glare going across his face. Komaeda faltered, looking at that face with surprise.

_Daring to interrupt an Ultimate, even if I’m just one step above a reserve…! He really is arrogant!_

“Reserves?” Matsuda arched an eyebrow. “What does he mean?”

“Nothing, really.” Komaeda’s face went just as disapproving as the far too arrogant and presumptuous reserve student that stood across from him.

“Ah, but Hinata-kun, I didn’t know you knew Matsuda-kun.” His tone suddenly changed, to one sugary sweet, one that clearly took the other off guard. “Ah…what a coincidence, really!”

“…You know Hinata?”

“Oh, yes!” Komaeda easily spun a quick tale in case Matsuda asked. “But wow, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen each other, I didn’t even  _recognize_ you at first, Hinata-kun! We really should catch up.”

Still smiling brightly, he dragged a sputtering Hinata out of the room, into the hall, making sure to shut the door tightly.

Instantly, his cheerful demeanor vanished.

“…You shouldn’t talk about things you don’t fully understand, Hinata-kun. Especially something as humiliating as what you were discussing. Really, I guess reserves truly don’t have any tact at all.”

“Wh -” Hinata glared after a moment, indignantly. “What are you talking about? Matsuda’s a doctor, idiot. H-He’ll be able to tell you were beat up anyway!”

“But not by reserves. Matsuda-kun might be a fantastic doctor, but even he can’t tell that much,” Komaeda said smoothly, tilting his head slightly at the boy.

_If I can become Hope…._

He’d never heard anyone talk like that, except for himself in his head…sure, the reserves wanted to become hope, but usually they didn’t understand that that was what they were after, in the end. Most just thought of reputation or talent or money - but he’d never heard any reserve specifically use the word ‘hope’ like that.

And yet, Hinata had - and he’d also said he’d be willing to give up a lot for such hope, apparently. He still didn’t understand really what him and Matsuda had been talking about, but…

It’s definitely interesting.

“Hinata, was it? I didn’t catch your full name last time we met.”

Hinata looked reluctant to answer, but eventually he did so, though it was clearly begrudgingly. “…Hinata Hajime. And last time we met, you ran off without even a thank you, so forgive me if I wasn’t exactly thrilled to give it.”

Oh! He’s got some spite to him, doesn’t he? Arrogant and spiteful, hmm…

“Why should I have thanked you?” He leaned against the opposite wall, smiling serenely. “Oh, because you stopped those big bad reserves from hurting me once?”

“W-Well…”

“You know, being reprimanded by one of their peers was pretty humiliating to them…” he tilted his head back, “but you look like you work out, Hinata-kun. So they couldn’t take out such humiliating feelings on you, so who do you think they would, then? You’re smart enough to realize that, right?”

“What do you -” And then his eyes went wide with realization. “…Oh.”

“You just made it worse for me next time, Hinata-kun. Quite self centered of you. I think you just like playing the hero, really. All reserves are like that…arrogant and self-centered.”

“T-That’s…!”

“Are you planning to take responsibility?” Komaeda kept smiling, even now. This was definitely interesting. “Are you planning to follow me around all the time after class and before, to make sure I don’t get hurt because of your selfishness?” He shook his head. “Really, this is why reserves can’t become hope at all…”

That stung the other’s pride. “J-Just because I helped you once, doesn’t mean I have to be your bodyguard…! What sense…does that even make…?”

  
“Ah, of course, a reserve wouldn’t be able to understand.” Komaeda stared at his hand. “What a pity. So you didn’t come to the Academy to become Hope at all…”

“Of - of course I did!” Hinata snapped, face red and expression cross. “W-Who are you to even say what hope is…?”

“An Ultimate, of course. A symbol of hope myself, even if I’m just a pathetic shadow of one.”

Surprisingly, it’s very fun to rile Hinata-kun up.

“Most people wouldn’t say they came here to be hope, though,” Komaeda continued, looking the other over. “Most people would say they wanted a reputation, or money later in life - most Ultimates, even, would just say they came here to hone their talents in a better environment. I have to admit, even if you’re self centered, it’s definitely interesting that you would say you came here to become hope…!”

“Wh…”

Hinata looked at him for a long time, and Komaeda just tilted his head.

“…You think…” he started, uncertainty lacing his tone, “…it’s interesting?”

“Oh, definitely!” Komaeda nodded - that much was true, at least. “It really is interesting…and definitely a good thing, that you want to become hope…hope is the most important thing in the world, after all.”

“Um…” Hinata looked a little confused. “I dunno if I’d say….most important…but definitely more than reputation or money like the other reserves think about.”

Ah.

Hinata wasn’t someone who fully understood, yet…but he understood more than the rest of the reserves, at least. He was undeniably arrogant, of course - thinking he could become hope when the gods hadn’t chosen that for him - but Komaeda could understand that desire well, anyway…it’d be unfair of him to act like he didn’t understand why Hinata felt that way.

“Mmm. Hinata-kun, I definitely think you’re more interesting than the average member of the reserve course…maybe just slightly above average.” And much nicer to me, then the rest of my class… “Reserves and Ultimates aren’t supposed to talk, but I think it would be at least a little interesting if we could meet again.”

“Uh…” Hinata looked more than a little put off by his comment about being just slightly above average, but at the same time, he could tell even that wasn’t something he heard that often. “…Maybe. I guess…” He looked at the ground, walking with Komaeda towards the latter’s locker.

“…Those other reserves…did they really beat you up harder because I defended you?” he suddenly spoke up, while Komaeda was looking through his locker. Komaeda looked at him in confusion - not at the statement, but at the concern in his tone. He hummed a moment after.

“…It’s not something you need to worry about, Hinata-kun.” He waved a hand as he slipped his bag over his shoulder. “Even if you hadn’t, honestly, I’m sure they would have gone harder…that’s just my luck, after all. Don’t worry!” he repeated. “It’s my just desserts for being arrogant enough to accept a place here…”

“…I don’t…think anyone deserves to be pummelled like that.” Hinata scowled at the ground, instinctively following Komaeda towards the entrance of the school. “…And I meant what I said, you know…anyone would have taken the offer you got. The raffle, I mean. You shouldn’t be punished by them for something any of them would have done…”

“The reserve course is nothing if not hypocritical and self centered, Hinata-kun.” He laughed, deciding to change the topic. “…So, is being at Hope’s Peak all you dreamed, even as a member of the reserve course?”

“…It’s pretty good, yeah.”

Hinata didn’t look at him when he said that - that was enough for Komaeda to understand that he really meant the opposite - but there was no point in really pursuing it.

“What about you? Being the Ultimate Lucky Student and all…must be nice…”

“Oh, no…it’s an absolutely dreadful talent.” He waved a hand. “I’m honoured to be at Hope’s Peak, of course, and it’s absolutely wonderful. But having the talent of luck is really the worst…the most useless and boring talent there could be.”

“…Huh? What do you mean?” Hinata bit his lip, brow furrowed. “…I mean, you don’t really have the talent of luck, right? That kind of thing can’t be a talent…you’re just an ordinary guy who got a little lucky, right?”

Komaeda merely laughed. They’d reached the front gate.

“..I have to get home now, Hinata-kun. You probably take the metro line, don’t you? You don’t want to miss your train, right?”

“Wh…how did you know I take…? Never mind, I guess it’s a reasonable guess…”

“Reasonable.” Komaeda gave a soft smile. “Or maybe a lucky guess.”


	2. Chapter 2

Komaeda was often sent on errands to the Reserve Building. Before, he’d just thought of it as unlucky…and in some cases, it still was. He was still harassed by the reserves, of course. But he often ran into Hinata after - which was like a neon sign flashing straight at him that Hinata was supposed to be the good luck to offset the bad.

So strange…

He wondered how a reserve could be considered good luck, but his luck obviously wanted him to think of him as such. It was utterly bizarre, but he knew at this point that it was just better to go along with whatever his luck wanted.

And it wasn’t like…Hinata was bad to talk to. For one, he actually talked to him, unlike any of the reserves, or even his class. Really, the only other person that talked to him was Matsuda, and he was in opposite class to his, and busy most of the time. Besides, Matsuda was an Ultimate, and Komaeda often felt unworthy to talk to him.

With Hinata…it was different.

Komaeda was an Ultimate, but not really, not truly. He didn’t have a talent that could absolutely shine across the world. Hinata was much the same - though, he didn’t even have a talent as pathetic as luck. And yet…he still found himself able to talk to him.

“Ah, Hinata-kun is working again.” He clicked his tongue, looking over Hinata’s work and popping his head over the other’s shoulder. Hinata jolted, that sharp upstring of his hair shooting up as if it were sentient, and he laughed.

“K-Komaeda…don’t sneak up on me like that.” Hinata scowled, and Komaeda merely waved a hand, handing him a pop.

“Hinata-kun works so often…are you working to be the top of the reserves, or something?”

“I’m working to become hope. That’s all.”

“Oh! Hinata-kun, you’re oh so dedicated…it’s really admirable, really…!”

“…Thanks, I guess.”

Komaeda hummed, opening his own pop and sipping on it absently as Hinata scrawled across the paper next to him. Hinata often worked…it really was like he was aiming for the top spot in not just his class, but the reserve course as a whole. How ambitious of you, Hinata-kun…

When he got like this, he’d learned Hinata was mostly silent, acutely focused even as other reserves scurried by. That was one thing about being around Hinata - most reserves wouldn’t bother him if he was with him. That was definitely a nice bonus…

Hinata finally huffed out while Komaeda was busy watching the flowers drift and move to the beat of the wind, shutting his binder with a sigh.

“…Oi, Komaeda.” He seemed oddly flustered, for some reason, and Komaeda turned to him in curiosity. “…Why don’t we go somewhere, less suffocating than here?”

“Hmm?” He tilted his head. “Where were you thinking? I can’t bring you into the Main Building, if that’s what you’re after, haha. You might be allowed to go there sometimes to see Matsuda-kun.” Which, Komaeda could still not understand. Was Hinata sick…?

“But someone like me definitely couldn’t get authority to bring you there…!”

“N-Not the main building…!” Hinata scowled, gathering his books together in his bag, and standing up. “I was thinking…I dunno, an arcade or something? My parents will just assume I’m studying if I come home late, if they even come home at all…” He snorted, and Komaeda looked up at him curiously.

Ah. Hinata-kun’s parents often aren’t home…I see.

“I wouldn’t mind going to an arcade with Hinata-kun.” He finally nodded, standing up. That was kind of exciting, really…he didn’t get to go places like that often, and never really got invited to go with someone else…

“Alright. We should go, then, before it gets busy…”

Despite their efforts to get there quickly, there were still many students from both surrounding schools and Hope’s Peak at the arcade, though it wasn’t packed to the brim. Hinata huffed, setting his bags behind the counter, and Komaeda did the same - knowing his luck, something would be stolen if he just left it off to the side while playing games. Though, Hinata seemed surprised when Komaeda didn’t want to play with him specifically.

“My luck will make it unfair, Hinata-kun. Trust me…it’s a bad idea to play with me. But I definitely have enough fun watching you.”

Hinata furrowed his eyebrows together, but eventually started playing by himself or against random students. Eventually, despite his word, he started to feel himself becoming bored - Hinata was just average. He won sometimes, he lost sometimes. It wasn’t particularly exciting to watch.

He found his gaze wandering until he found a crane game. No one was playing it - of course, most people avoided it, thinking it was rigged. But Komaeda knew it would be eternally rigged in his favour, at least.

“Oi, Komaeda…? Of all the games, you want to try that one?” Hinata followed after him, indignantly as he approached the crane game.”It’s rigged, don’t you know that?”

“Oh, but the little animals are so cute.” He cooed over the bears filling the machine. “Surely just once couldn’t hurt? Don’t worry, Hinata-kun…I definitely have the money to spare.”

He popped out a coin, slipping it into the slot. This, at least, would definitely surprise Hinata…and maybe he’d even figure out the truth of his pathetic talent.

Sure enough, he aimed with the crane, letting it clamp onto a pure white bear, and lifted it up on the first try. Hinata blinked as it fell into the slot, and Komaeda picked it up, cooing over it.

“It’s definitely adorable.” He giggled. “Don’t you think so, Hinata-kun?”

“I…” Hinata-kun definitely looked surprised. And impressed. “…How did you…?”

“That’s my talent, isn’t it?” He smiled softly. “Luck.”

Hinata blinked, then scowled. “…Komaeda, come on. Something like luck isn’t a talent, really.”

“Oh, you’re right. It’s not a real talent…but it’s definitely my talent, isn’t it?”

Hinata still didn’t look convinced. He was looking at the plush white bear in his hands skeptically, as if he expected it to disappear.

“…If you’re really lucky…do it again.” He pointed at a black bear with an eyepatch. “…Get me that one, if you’re really lucky.”

“…Ah?” He blinked - he didn’t expect Hinata to ask him for a gift. That was quite presumptuous of him, but he supposed that it was more about testing his luck then it was about getting the bear. Hinata didn’t seem to coo over them the way Komaeda did, anyway.

“…Alright, Hinata-kun.” He slid the coin in, and sure enough, not a minute later, he was holding out the black bear.

“There you go! I didn’t know this kind of thing was your type, though, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata looked at the bear, blinking as if he couldn’t believe it was there. “I…are you seriously trying to tell me…you really have the talent of luck…?”

“Of course…! I am the Ultimate Lucky Student, after all.” Komaeda smiled, watching as Hinata’s circuits whirled as he connected everything.

“B-But…the Ultimate Lucky Student…it’s just selected by random lottery…!”

“And any lottery I enter, I will definitely win, Hinata-kun.” He nodded.

“S-Something like that…” Hinata clearly wasn’t taking this well. He looked confused, surprised, and uncertain. “That can’t be possible…”

“If someone can be born with the innate talent of art, why can’t someone be born with the talent of luck? Really, it’s the same thing…even if my ‘talent’ is much less impressive…and much more worthless…”

“Worthless…?”

Hinata blinked up at him.

“Why would…something like that be a worthless talent? Wouldn’t everything go your way? All the time?”

Komaeda suddenly felt self conscious of the fact that they were amongst a group of students - and even though he knew none of them were paying attention to them, it was still somehow suffocating, despite what Hinata had said earlier.

“…I didn’t say,” he started, “I had the talent of good luck, Hinata-kun. Just luck.”

“Isn’t that…the same thing?”

Komaeda looked away, at the ground.

“…Ah. I’m sorry, Hinata-kun.” He clicked on his phone. “…You invited me out so graciously, but I really have to go now. I have to be home before dinner.”

“..What? But, Komaeda…”

“I’ll see you, okay? Bye, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata called after him, but Komaeda quickly disappeared into the crowds of the street, heading far, far away, towards his house.

He’d thought Hinata would be able to understand, or at least try to understand. But just like everyone else, well…he thought that good luck and bad luck were the same thing.

But they weren’t. At all.

He knew that quite well, as a sudden and not forecasted thunderstorm started up when he was halfway home. He sighed, hiding the white bear plush in his bag so it didn’t get ruined.

Ah… I really am so unlucky.

–

He didn’t see Hinata for the next few days.

He, most certainly, was not purposefully avoiding him. Of course not. That would be foolish. Hinata was not worth going to all the effort of trying to avoid.

Declining errands that involved going to the Reserve Building was hard, but it wasn’t as though it was impossible. His classmates gazed at him strangely, but eventually settled on sending someone else there. It didn’t matter. He just stared out the window.

‘Wouldn’t everything go your way? All the time?’

For some reason, the fact that Hinata now knew he had talent - It didn’t feel as good as perhaps it should have.

Stupid Hinata. Or…no, for once, when compared to a reserve, he was definitely the idiotic one. What kind of Ultimate tries to play nice with the Reserves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that when I posted this on tumblr, it was just in one giant fic xD. I hope that the chapter format does flow nicely - I did think of it while writing. But just a note that originally not posted in a chapter format, if it seems odd or stiff.


	3. Chapter 3

Hinata didn’t understand why Komaeda was clearly, purposefully avoiding him.

Obviously he had somehow said something insensitive at the arcade. He could still remember that look in his eyes, clear disapproval shooting through those gray green hues. Disapproval. Disappointment.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh.

Someone from the Main Course had actually taken to talking to him, and had actually seemed to understand the greater importance behind being here that the other members of the reserve course just didn’t seem to understand, and he’d blown it.

Somehow.

He just didn’t understand how. It must have been what I said about his luck. But Hinata just didn’t get it…he could get whatever he wanted in any sort of lottery.

He stares at the bear plush he’d ended up setting on his desk in his room absently. Remembered the feeling of surprise when Komaeda had managed to win it and hand it off to him.

That was definitely incredible luck.

But he’d said that he didn’t only have good luck…so what…did he have bad luck too, or something…?

A kid blessed with luck is crazy enough…and wouldn’t bad luck just cancel out the good…?

…Maybe he wasn’t really better than the rest of the Reserve Course. Maybe he’d just been selected for the Project by random. By luck. He couldn’t even figure out his own fucking friend, after all.

Then again, said friend was not exactly making it easy for him to understand exactly what he’d said. _If I said something wrong, why not just say it? Why all this running and avoiding…? Did I really piss him off that much…?_

Urgh. He really was worthless…

But it wasn’t like Komaeda was making it easier.

He’d hoped to maybe see him in Matsuda’s office when he went to talk about the Project - but no, he wasn’t there. And whenever he looked for him on those rare occasions, he couldn’t find him.

But he sure heard about him.

“Komaeda Nagito? Why are you looking for a guy like that? He’s a real creep, always leering at the Ultimates…it rubs all of us the wrong way…”

_Rubs you the wrong way…you’re world famous Ultimates, for fuck’s sake. I think some staring would be warranted. Sure, he can get overly enthusiastic, but that doesn’t make him a bad person…_

He didn’t think Komaeda was a bad person, anyway. After all, despite his comments at first…he did talk to Hinata, and they were friends - not many people, especially in the Main Course, would even tolerate him, let alone tell him his insights were at least interesting.

_I really don’t think he has bad intentions. I don’t think he’s…a bad person._

He just couldn’t see it.

“Weird things always happen around that guy. Accidents, stuff like that. Lots of people in his class have been hurt just by being near him. I’d almost think he causes it intentionally, really.”

Komaeda definitely wouldn’t do that.

“Have you even tried talking to him?” he finally snapped, arms crossed. The two Ultimates looked surprised, tilting their heads.

“W-Well…no…”

“Then you shouldn’t just spread baseless rumours or gossip, should you? I swear, Ultimates aren’t as cracked up as they’re made out to be -”

“W-What did you just say…? You ungrateful little -”

He probably shouldn’t have said that - but seeing them say such malicious things about Komaeda, he couldn’t help himself.

_He gave me that black bear with a smile on his face…and luck or no, it looked like he was really trying hard to get it, even though I just picked it randomly and not ‘cause I wanted the damn thing._

He’d gotten attached to the damn thing, though. And to the memory looking at it brought. Of Komaeda’s bright smile.

“Oy, vey, are you causing a ruckus, Hinata?”

A curled up magazine was smacked on his head from behind, and he whirled around to see Matsuda Yasuke himself standing there, a frown on his face and disapproval burning in his gaze.

“I didn’t think you were the type to harass, Hinata.”

“I…”

“Oh…you know Matsuda-senpai, then?”

For some reason, the girls he’d been talking to started giggling at the other boy’s appearance, which only made him scowl off.

“He does. And he has a reason to talk to me, unlike you brats. So run back to your classroom before your teacher demotes you.”

“S-So cold…”

Matsuda leads him back to his office, and Hinata is left simmering on the bed, glaring absently at the floor.

“So…Hinata, what was worth getting all riled up for, huh? I didn’t think bullying underclassmen was your style.” Matsuda huffed, taking a bite of some off brand potato chips. Hinata kept scowling at the ground.

“…Komaeda.”

“..Huh?”

“They were saying…stupid things about Komaeda.”

Matsuda hummed softly, leaning back. Now that he thought of it, though, Matsuda seemed to know Komaeda pretty well - at least, better than Hinata himself probably knew him. He knew Matsuda was his doctor, and he assumed he just went to him for help after being bullied….but could it be more than that?

He didn’t like to think about that, for some reason.

“What sorts of things?”

Hinata waved a hand dismissively. They were just underclassmen gossips, right…? It didn’t really matter.

…But, of course it did. They were underclassmen, but the others who had mocked Komaeda…surely weren’t. It was obvious that Komaeda was pretty hated among the Ultimates.

_He’s a little weird…but that I’ve never heard one person say anything good about him apart from Matsuda…is really annoying. These guys really are self righteous. Even if they are Ultimates…_

“They said bad things happen around him. One of them even suggested that he made them happen on purpose. I don’t get it…Komaeda can be a little weird, but I don’t think he’s actively malicious, you know? I can’t…see him setting up something on purpose to get someone hurt.”

Matsuda tilted his head. “…Komaeda does have a tendency…of having bad things follow him around.” He finally spoke up, munching on another potato chip after.

“He told me…about his talent…”

“He did?”

“…About how he has genuine good luck…wouldn’t that mean good things would follow him around…? Not bad? Can’t luck…be nothing but good…?”

Matsuda overlooked him, then sighed, turning to his computer, and typing away.

“…You should try asking him about it.”

“I did…but he wouldn’t give be a straight answer.”

“Try again, then.” Matsuda didn’t looked up from his computer, and he clearly wasn’t going to.

Try again…? I guess…I just shouldn’t give up…

“…Komaeda’s talent…isn’t what it seems at face value,” he added. “…I think you finding out more about it would probably be good. It might convince you to really rethink this stupid project, too.”

Eh…?

“W-What would Komaeda’s talent…have to do with the Project?”

Matsuda simply waved a hand - Hinata recognized this as indication to leave. He huffed, but there really wasn’t much he could do if Matsuda really wanted him to leave. He was ranked much higher than him in this school, after all.

“Fine. Whatever. I won’t come to you for answers, then.” Hinata shook his head as he lifted his bag - this had been a pretty pointless visit, all things considered.

…Well…maybe not…Komaeda really does have bad things follow him around…and there really is a lot more to his talent then meets the eye…

_Komaeda Nagito…just who are you really…?_

He ended up walking through the courtyard in a huff, annoyed and prickly. It was then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a familiar cloud shaped fluff ball.

Komaeda…

He was throwing pebbles into the school lake - obviously trying to skip them across the water. But he clearly…wasn’t very good at it…

_Well, I’m not exactly good at it, either. I’m not in a position to judge._

“Oi. Komaeda…!”

No one else was around - so he figured it was safe to try and talk to him. Komaeda faltered, the pebble flying from his hand as he turned instinctively to the voice - and hitting Hinata right in the forehead.

“O-Ow…”

He rubbed the spot where it’d landed, irritated even more now. Great. Something like that will definitely bruise.

“…Hinata-kun. I didn’t expect to see you. Let alone with a giant welt on your face, haha…ahhh, I’m really sorry. But you shouldn’t sneak up on people like that, Hinata-kun. Or at least have the courtesy to not get surprised when you accidentally get hurt because of it.”

He’s definitely right.

“Komaeda…” he starts, then breaks off, sighing. Why are you avoiding me? Why does the Main Course think so poorly of you? Why do you really spend so much time with Matsuda?

He didn’t ask any of that.

“…Komaeda…I’m sorry for what I said.”

Komaeda arched an eyebrow, surprise shooting through those gray green eyes, before he narrows them, almost coldly.

Was that…the wrong thing…?

“…What do you have to apologize for, Hinata-kun? I’m the one who hit you in the face with a rock…if it’s for sneaking up on me, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you didn’t do it on purpose, after all! Maybe you even called out to me, and I didn’t hear…”

“No. Not for that.” Hinata shook his head, sighing out, and still rubbing his throbbing forehead. “I…don’t know what I said wrong…but I’m sorry…for what I said at the arcade…I know that somehow…it upset you, right?”

Komaeda, again, looked surprised. But afterwards it was Hinata’s turn to look surprised as that look quickly turned to one of resentment.

“Oh, Hinata-kun…you shouldn’t apologize when you don’t even know what you’re really apologizing for. That’s quite rude,” Komaeda said with that same enigmatic smile.

What…?

“I-I want to know what it is, for what’s it worth.” He puffed up slightly, crossing his arms. “I’ve been thinking about it, you know…you’ve been avoiding me, so it was easy to tell I’d definitely said something wrong.”

He saw a flicker of emotion in Komaeda’s eyes, unreadable by someone like him, the wind blowing his hair around so it really did look like some sort of cloud.

“I haven’t been avoiding you, Hinata-kun. What a ridiculous accusation,” he scoffed, turning back towards the lake.

“Wh…of course you have. We used to see each other at least every other day…but after that night, you just…stopped coming. Didn’t call or text, either. We’re friends, Komaeda, so I’d definitely notice if you started avoiding me -”

“Friends?”

Komaeda’s voice sounded both parts surprised and incredulous, and he turned to him, eyes wide in the most genuine surprise he’d ever seen Komaeda display. It was…kind of unsettling, actually. But a bit satisfying, too.

Komaeda never seemed surprised by anything, after all.

“Friends…” he repeated, softer, more quietly, like he’d never heard the word before.

“…Yes?” Hinata hesitated, wondering why Komaeda seemed so…taken aback. “…We’ve talked for a month now, Komaeda. We’re…definitely friends. Even if you started avoiding me a few days ago…which is why…I want to fix whatever I did wrong.”

“…You really think we’re friends?”

H-He’s still on that…?

“Yes..we’re friends, Komaeda. I see you as a friend.” He shook his head. “Is…is there something wrong with that…? You’re not about to say Reserves and Ultimates can’t be friends, are you?”

_I wouldn’t be surprised._

“…I found out most of the school…doesn’t seem to like you much. Stupid, if you ask me, but whatever. But Matsuda…he’s definitely your friend, right? So it can’t…be the first time you’ve heard the word said to you…?

He’s sixteen, for crying out loud. He must have been called a friend before.

But to his surprise, Komaeda only chuckles.

“…Matsuda-kun is my doctor…and even if he considers me a friend, he’s never said anything like that…you really are reckless, Hinata-kun. Really, really reckless.”

“…I…I dunno if being reckless is as bad as you seem to imply…”

“Mmm. It can make you rush into things, you know.”

Rush into things…?

That sounded…suspiciously like the language Matsuda used when chastising him for taking part in the Project.

Komaeda…couldn’t know about something like that…no way…

“…Anyway…I really was thinking about your luck, Komaeda. Your talent.”

“Ah.” Komaeda giggled enigmatically, fingers curling through his own hair. “Well, even if it’s a worthless talent, I suppose it is the only interesting thing about trash like me.”

Trash…?

“…People mentioned bad things happen around you…”

“You have been doing some snooping, then, haven’t you?”

He ignores that, cutting straight to the point. “And Matsuda said…your talent was more than meets the eye…and you said…you didn’t just have good luck…but luck in general.” He sighs. “…I thought that someone being blessed with luck at all…was really crazy. Honestly, I still can’t believe it’s real…it still seems like something out of a fairytale, or something. But if something like that can be real…and I saw it for myself…then I guess you could have bad luck, too? I thought at first…if someone was actually cursed or blessed with something like cosmic luck….that bad luck and good luck would just cancel each other out…but that’s the only reconciliation I can come to, to explain why people say bad things happen around you…and why you got upset when I said everything would just go your way all the time.” his gaze softened, but Komaeda’s remained unreadable.

“…If that’s the truth…then what I said…really was pretty insensitive. So…if that’s it…then I am sorry, Komaeda.”

There was a silence pressing down on him, after his apology, and he started to feel quite embarrassed - had he gone too far…? Or was he just using crazy, insane logic?

No, it definitely fits together….even if it’s…crazy…it also makes a weird sort of sense…

“…Ah, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda finally spoke up, and to Hinata’s surprise, he was clapping. “Not bad for a reserve…! Really, Hinata-kun, you are surprisingly smart, even if it took you this long…to figure it out, ahaha…”

“S-So, I was right…?”

That was pretty backhanded praise - but Hinata would definitely just take what he could get from Komaeda, at this point - he’d learned that that much was inevitable, practically.

“Mmm.You were….but you still don’t completely understand, do you Hinata-kun…? You asserted your theory so brightly, like a lawyer on television or a sharp tongued detective…but you’re still bluffing a bit, aren’t you? You aren’t completely sure how my luck works.”

“I…Well, o-of course not…! How could I know the specifics of something that weird? Having luck in the first place…is just weird to apply any logic, to!”

“And yet you still did. Ah, Hinata-kun, I’m weirdly proud of you…!”

W-Weirdly…?

“W-Whatever…why don’t you explain, then? At least so I understand a little better…?” At the other’s hesitation, he sighed.

“…Come on, Komaeda…I’m just…a Reserve…” At least, for now… “so there’s no way I’ll be able to figure it all out on my own..! And…I want to understand you…as a friend…”

“…Friend…”

_Y-You’re still saying that word that you’ve never heard it in real life, before…._

“…Alright. But you know, I do truly believe Hinata-kun is one of the top of the reserves…even if you don’t really know your place, sometimes you show signs of it.”

_Knowing my place…?_

Sometimes, I remember just why people find Komaeda so irritating…

“Why don’t we take a walk, while I explain it? I can walk you to the train station, how’s that? Don’t expect just a handout of knowledge though, reserve.”

“I’d rather you didn’t call me reserve…”

Still, despite the other’s slightly mocking tone, he can’t help but relieved - not only is Komaeda not avoiding him anymore, but he’s about to understand him, hopefully a little more. Even if nothing about this supposed luck makes sense…it’s something that obviously affects Komaeda deeply. Of course it does. It’s his talent.

_I’ll have talent too, soon. In just two months…I’ll definitely…have so many talents I won’t know how to count them all. But even then, I’m sure Komaeda would call me reserve, honestly._

“…My luck is something very illogical and difficult to explain. I suppose over the years, I’ve just accepted it and never questioned it…but it really is something pretty strange, haha…”

Komaeda’s words as they start down the path bring him out of his fantasies of the hopeful future, and he looks up, ears perked.

“…My luck is, in the most simplified form, balanced, just as you suggested. Only, it doesn’t cancel out in the way you’re thinking, Hinata-kun. It’s more…good luck always comes from the bad luck I experience.”

“…Huh…?”

“And, if I do something regarding luck randomly…like play a game or enter a lottery or something like that…I’ll definitely win or get what I want…but afterwards, my bad luck will come down on me like divine karma. That’s the way it’s always been.”

He’s right. That does sound strange.

“Play a game…” His eyes widened as it dawned on him. “So wait, after last time, at the arcade…when you won those dolls…”

“Correct. You really are sharp for a reserve, Hinata-kun.” He shook his head. “Don’t you remember the rainstorm that started after?”

“…Not that well. I got on the train home before it really started pouring…” Another realization hit him harder then that rock Komaeda had thrown at him.

“So, wait, you’re saying…?”

“My train had left ahead of schedule. Bad luck, really. I ended up having to walk home in the storm…”

Hinata felt slightly weak. And ill. He couldn’t help looking up at the other with an expression of disbelief and shock.

“…You’re saying…that was because…?”

“Oh, I think the storm would have happened no matter what…but as for myself getting caught up in it, that was definitely the fault of my bad luck and karma, Hinata-kun.”

That’s crazy…

“All because you won a couple of dolls…?”

“Yes. But don’t worry. It was definitely worth seeing the look on your face when you realized I really did have the talent of luck after all.”

“…That’s…”

Something like that…can’t be real…?

But it was real. He’d seen it with his own eyes.

That’s…

“Dropping this all on you…haha, Hinata-kun, you look so surprised!”

“How am I not supposed to be surprised!?” he snapped at the softly smiling boy, who looked as though he didn’t have a care in the world. “S-Something like that…”

“I understand if you don’t believe me.” Komaeda pulled a bag of salted peanuts out of his bag, popping them into his mouth absently as he hummed softly. “It’s a pretty unbelievable story. Isn’t it? Maybe I’m just trying to jerk around a poor, gullible reserve.”

“I…” It was tempting to think that…but he’d seen the dolls won for himself. And besides that…  
  
“…You’re my friend. Friends…don’t doubt each other.”

Komaeda’s face scrunched up slightly, but Hinata could catch the glimmers of genuine shock in his gaze. Even as he looked irritated, it was clear he was actually surprised.

And then he laughed, shaking his head.

“Friends, huh? You’re really something else, Hinata-kun.”

“…I don’t see what’s so weird about wanting to be friends with you. You can be pretty rude at times, but I don’t think you really have any bad intentions.”

Komaeda looked over at him, eyes half lidded and deep, long eyelashes casting shadows over his cheeks and hiding half of his eyes.

“No bad intentions? Ehehe. Hinata-kun, you sure are weird.”

“W-Weird? Says the guy blessed and cursed by luck…”

Komaeda laughed again - though this time it seemed more genuine and amused. He looked at him in clear amusement.

“Harsh, Hinata-kun, harsh!”

He rolled his eyes, grabbing one of those peanuts for himself, breaking it open and popping the nut inside his mouth. Komaeda looked quite offended that he would steal something from him like that, but for once didn’t say anything.

“Ah, that’s your train, isn’t it, Hinata-kun?” They’d finally arrived at the metro, Komaeda pointing to a random train. Knowing about his luck, Hinata wasn’t even surprised at this point that it happened to be right.

“I’m not sure if that was your luck, or if you just follow me home and I’ve never noticed.”

“Ah, but you said I didn’t have bad intentions, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata gave a grunt of acknowledgement, shrugging. He looked over at the train, seeing Reserves pour onto it - come to think of it, that was probably what had actually prompted Komaeda to say that was his train. Obviously.

“…You know, you could come over if you wanted,” Hinata found himself saying, turning to Komaeda who gave him wide eyes of genuine surprise. “…I mean. Friends do that. They go to each other’s houses and stuff. My parents aren’t home that often, so you don’t have to worry about introducing yourself, or whatever. We could play some games, or something.”

Komaeda seemed to swallow, nervously, looking away at the train. “…I appreciate the offer, but…” He trailed off.

“…Are your parents expecting you home?” Hinata tried finishing for him. But to his surprise, Komaeda laughed quietly, dismissively.

“…No. My parents haven’t expected me to come home in a long time.”

“…What? Really? Jeez. Maybe you really are some sort of delinquent.” The train horn whistled, and Hinata jolted, realizing it was the final time to board.

“…Regardless, I’m going to have to decline your generous offer. I have things to do, unfortunately.”

“…Oh, alright.” Hinata rubbed the back of his neck. It was a pretty random offer.

“Maybe another time.” Komaeda inclined his head. “…Hinata-kun, your train is leaving.”

“Ah…” Flustering, Hinata immediately jumped on the train, showing his pass and turning back to Komaeda on the asphalt.

“…See you later, then?”

Komaeda hummed thoughtfully, then gave a wave.

  
“…Sure. I’ll see you, reserve.”

Hinata scowled at the nickname, but then the doors shut in front of him, cutting off Komaeda from both view and hearing. He huffed, but grabbed a handrail as the train sped off.

That was definitely a lot to take in…but at least I made up with Komaeda. As weird as it was…

He’d count that as a blessing, at least.


	4. Chapter 4

Komaeda walked home, of course, very irritated with himself.

Very, very, irritated.

_At least I wasn’t as presumptuous as to get on the train with him. That would definitely get Hinata-kun killed._

He knew, in the back of his mind, that he was getting too close to that simple reserve. He should have just ignored him, or walked off when he’d approached him again - but no, instead he had to blabber on and on about his luck like some despicably selfish person.

Selfish.

To his credit, Hinata-kun had at least accepted it - he wasn’t so stupid as to deny evidence right in front of his eyes, even as it lead to a conclusion he never could have imagined before in his life being true. That was a good trait to have - too many people, especially reserves, were willfully blind.

That resolve will help him reach and accept harsh truths someday.

_It was definitely a good quality of Hinata-kun’s, at least._

Good quality…

Alone on the street, he suddenly slammed the side of his fist into a random cement pillar. What the hell was he thinking? Good qualities? Resolved?

Thinking these kind of things about a reserve…

Not even just about a reserve, really - Komaeda kept everyone at arm’s length distance. He’d never sat and chatted with people before - hell, most of them would have just tossed fruit at him if he even tried.

At first, he’d just talked to Hinata because he was curious - he was curious on how a reserve who almost fully share his views on hope, on why he’d been talking to Matsuda-kun, and why he was even allowed in the Main Course building to talk to him if he wanted or needed to.

There was something funny about Hinata-kun. He knew that. Some sort of…secret, that Komaeda wasn’t aware of.

_Of course, I have my own secrets…but this is so…_

It was just intriguing, that was all. At first that had been all.

_But Hinata-kun is nice to me. Hinata-kun calls me friend, and says I don’t look like a person with bad intentions. Hinata-kun defended me from those reserves, even if it was a wrong move in the long run…_

There was something very wrong with these responses.

_Hell, even when after he found out I have bad luck, that bad things happen around me…he still invited me to his house, of all places! What kind of idiot is that self endangering?_

…He had to be getting sick, or something. Because Komaeda shouldn’t care about those things. He should be able to just talk to Hinata-kun as someone with a shared view of hope and out of placeness - not someone who was a friend.

He shook his head, taking a breath and beginning to walk down the path to his house again.

_But I already said I wouldn’t avoid him anymore…_

What a stupid dilemma he’d gotten himself into.

“How is this guy supposed to be my good luck for getting bullied, huh?” he murmured angrily to himself, tempted to kick a rock along the way - but knowing his luck, he’d probably end up tripping on it and getting knocked unconscious. Probably.

“Stupid…all of it is so ridiculously stupid.”

It really was.

He unlocked the gate to his mansion, closing it with a thud behind him and locking it firmly, stepping into his house after.

As he said, his parents weren’t expecting him - hadn’t expected him in a long time. He sighed, sitting down and starting to his homework.

Nothing much else to do, after all.

–

Of course, him and Hinata-kun kept talking for the next few weeks - the reserve was just like a puppy that wouldn’t stop following him around, begging him for a treat. There wasn’t much he could do about that. Hinata invited him to his house often, but Komaeda, thinking of the dangers that the train posed, rejected each and every time with some other excuse. Hinata seemed to be catching onto the fact that he didn’t want to go to his house - but thankfully remained respectful about it.

_The anniversary for my parents’ deaths is coming up,_ he couldn’t help thinking _, I should go to a shrine, to pray for their souls…and to apologize._

He stuffed some of his pork bun in his face, swallowing as he waited for Hinata to come to talk. He knew, logically really, that he shouldn’t be here, that he should probably run and just never talk to Hinata again, leave him to think he got bored of a talentless reserve, but he selfishly couldn’t bring himself to toss aside someone who called him a friend.

“Oi, Komaeda.”

Ah, Hinata was finally here - hiding away his internal frustration, he smiled and joked about him being late, handing him one of the pork buns. They talked idly for a time about pointless things - until Hinata brought up a topic that surprised him.

“…So, are you going to the festival on Friday, Komaeda?”

Komaeda blinked in surprise, frankly having no idea what he was talking about for a few moments - then he remembered. Ah yes, the cultural festival…

To be honest, he’d mostly forgotten about it. His class was arranging something, but they hadn’t seen fit to fully include him in those activities. Understandable, since he’d probably just be a leech on whatever they ended up creating.

“…I probably should yeah.” He laughed nervously. “To be honest, I’d kind of forgotten about it.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow in skepticism, tilting his head. “…Really? How do you forget something like that? Isn’t your class setting up an event for it?”

“…Of course. But, you know…my class doesn’t really like me much. They didn’t really want me involved in it, so I kind of forgot what they were doing…I think it’s a game booth, though.”

“Oh…I see…:

“You shouldn’t sound so surprised, Hinata-kun. You saw for yourself how much they disliked me when you were snooping around.”

“H-Hey!” Hinata scratched his cheek, embarrassed. “It wasn’t…snooping…”

“If you say so.”

Hinata sighed. “Anyway, whatever. If you don’t have to worry about being there to a run a booth, why don’t…we go together?”

Eh?

He blinked in surprise, tiling his head as Hinata looked at him expectantly.

“…Don’t you have anyone else to go with, Hinata-kun?”

“Of course not. Who would I go with? Those reserve jerks who treat you like a portable punching bag? I don’t have any friends really in the Main Course, either.”

That struck Komaeda as odd; he’d seen Hinata at least talking to Reserves, before.

Maybe that’s just idle talk.

He hummed thoughtfully, taking a bite of his pork bun to give him a reason not to answer immediately.

“…Do you have someone you’d rather go with?” Hinata suddenly spoke up while Komaeda was still chewing. He looked up in express skepticism, about to swallow, when Hinata continued.

“Matsuda, maybe?”

“…Matsuda-kun?” Komaeda laughed at the thought after he finally finished swallowing. “Why would Matsuda-kun want to go with me, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata looked away, Komaeda looking at him curiously.

_What gave him that idea…?_

“You’re in his office a lot, and I’ve talked to him about you. Seems like you’re friends, so I thought maybe you were already planning to go with him…?”

Komaeda blinked, then shook his head.

“I go to his office a lot because he’s a doctor, Hinata-kun.”

For some reason, Hinata didn’t look convinced. “He’s a neurologist, right? Why would he be your first stop to get bruises and cuts fixed?”

_…Ah. Hinata-kun’s sharper than I thought._

He hummed, taking another bite, again to have the chance to absolve from answering.

“…So there must be another reason, you visit him over any of the other doctor Ultimates, right?”

_Hinata-kun really is sharper then I thought._

“…I do visit Matsuda-kun for his doctoral expertise, Hinata-kun.”

“B-But, he’s a neurologist…not a physical doctor…?”

“Yes. I’m aware, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata-kun was sharp - but even he took a few minutes to understand that. He furrowed his brow, thinking hard, before he suddenly gasped softly in surprise.

That was almost cute, seeing him come to such a conclusion, at least eventually.

“…Do you…have some sort…of disease, Komaeda…?”

He smiled softly, a hint of sadness to it. “…Some sort, yes. But don’t worry, Hinata-kun. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“B-But neurological diseases, those are really…dangerous…” He frowned, looking doubtful. “I-I think that’s something I’d need to worry about.”

“…Private, then.”

“H-huh?”

“…It’s private. Come on, Hinata-kun. We all have secrets, don’t we?” He pressed a finger to his own lips, smiling. “It’s not something you need to know.”

Hinata looked extremely dissatisfied, and maybe even hurt by his answer - definitely troubled, to say the least. But again, even though he was a reserve, he had the respect to at least accept his choice.

Or maybe Hinata-kun has some secrets of his own, and doesn’t want to be hypocritical.

He already suspected that, of course, hence why he’d brought up that specific excuse. And Hinata’s frustrated silence all but proved his suspicions.

“If anything, your visits to Matsuda-kun are much more suspicious. After all, Hinata-kun isn’t skinny or gangly like me - I’d even guess that you work out, Hinata-kun. So I don’t think you go to Matsuda-kun to get patched up, either. So why do you go, Hinata-kun, if you’re not friends?”

Hinata seemed surprised by the inquiry, even though it really should have been obvious that Komaeda was going to deflect with that. He flushed, looking down.

“…It’s…”

“Private?” Komaeda offered. Hinata gave a slight scowl, but ended up nodding, defeated.

“…Yeah,” he sighed. “But I promise, it’s not because we’re friends or anything.”

“Of course. So you can’t go with Matsuda-kun, either. I guess we should go together, then, if you’re really being gracious enough to ask me. And if I’m being gracious enough to accept a reserve’s invitation…”

“You’ve accepted around five of my invitations so far, Komaeda,” Hinata pointed out, unimpressed. “Sorry, but you’re already dirty with the taint of accepting a reserve’s requests.”

“Ah, I suppose I am, aren’t I? What a pity.” Komaeda laughed. “…Alright, then, Friday after class? This is rather exciting. Are you going to wear a yukata, Hinata-kun?”

“M-Maybe. I mean, probably. It’s tradition, isn’t it?”

“It is, indeed. I’ll have to wear one too, if you are.”

“…You should wear one regardless, Komaeda. It’s tradition.”

“Of course.”

They continued clarifying plans for a while longer, before Hinata had to leave to catch his train. Komaeda ended up walking him to the station, feeling a giddy amount of excitement in his stomach.

_I shouldn’t be excited. Something will go wrong. It always does. But, it’ll go right in the end and balance out, won’t it?_

Of course it would.

Just, sometimes…it felt like a bit of a never ending cycle.

 


	5. Chapter 5

It was the day before the festival, and they were given the day off class to prepare their booths - of course, Komaeda didn’t have anything to do, since his class knew he would just ruin everything if he got involved.

That’s for the best.

He had something he needed to do, anyway. He had to pray at a shrine.

He pulled on his old silver and blue slashed yukata - he needed to make sure it still fit, and that it wouldn’t slide off when he walked, or something. He had gotten a lot skinnier over the last year for obvious reasons.

_It’s a bit embarrassing, though._

He wouldn’t look out of place or noteworthy at a shrine in a yukata, either - most people would just assume he was working there, or something.

The yukata still fit, though it was a touch loose - not enough to be uncomfortable, though. He waited until nightfall, before wandering off to the nearest shrine with some incense. Komaeda wasn’t a particularly religious person - but he still couldn’t help but feel guilt for what had happened to them.

It was just to make hope. It was.

But that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty.

The shrine, this time of evening, was of course abandoned. Cicadas buzzed and whined loudly as he lit the incense, the scent of vanilla filling the air around him, mixing with the noises of the cicadas.

He kneeled down, hands clasped in prayer. He wasn’t mourning - just praying for their souls. And apologizing.

Komaeda hadn’t really known his parents very well, to be perfectly honest. He’d been so young when they’d died, and after he’d been shifted from one caretaker to another for so long…caretakers that only really cared about getting a slice of his fortune. But they deserved to have someone pray for their souls, or at least he hoped so. And no one else was likely to do it, exempting their orphan son. It was his duty, his obligation, really.

He could still remember the fear he’d felt, his mother holding onto him fiercely as the plane started to go down, the sound and splitting of the breaking apart of metal, such a high pitched screech and such an unnatural sound that Komaeda found it likely that his ears would explode. Sparks and beeping, people crying and screaming, that meteor that had caused all of this sitting in a fist shaped object on the ground so innocuously.

The smoke, screams, fire, metal - all of it stopped in one split second after the plane hit the ground. The top of the plane had either been ripped off because of air pressure, or the fire, and the stars were shining so brightly. He remembered that vividly. Away from the city, in the middle of nowhere, the stars were so bright and clear and vivid.

Beautiful.

Hauntingly beautiful.

He shuddered, taking himself out of the memories. Here, the stars weren’t nearly as beautiful or clear. They weren’t dull, by any means, but they weren’t nearly as bright as they had been on that night.

Disappointing.

He shook himself again, standing up - his reverie had lasted so long that the incense had burnt out, and the only scent now was the scent of dewing grass and the night air. He exhaled, shaking his head and picking up the burned away stick.

“Komaeda?”

The sound of his name surprised him; he whirled around to see someone he’d never expected to see near here - Hinata-kun.

“…It is you. What are you doing here, dressed like that?”

Komaeda blinked, still half in a daze.

“…The school festival isn’t until tomorrow. So you know. You don’t need to go around dressed like that. Unless you forgot?”

He huffed in irritation, walking down the steps of the shrine. “I know that, Hinata-kun. I’m not an idiot.”

Hinata seemed taken aback by his tone, blinking in surprise. Komaeda took note that for once, Hinata wasn’t in his reserve uniform. But the clothes he was wearing weren’t very interesting; just a black shirt with a brown hoodie and jeans.

But at least he looked more normal at the moment then Komaeda did.

“…What are you doing here? You work here, or something? You don’t seem the pious type.” Hinata took a step toward the shrine, then gasped softly. “…You’re white as a sheet. Komaeda, what…?” Hinata reached his hand up, presumably to check to see if Komaeda was sick, and Komaeda glared, hating the idea of Hinata seeing him so vulnerable.

“I’m fine.” He smacked aside his hand, scoffing. “Fine. What are you doing here, Hinata-kun?” He didn’t even think Hinata lived anywhere near here. Hinata looked at him, obviously concerned.

“I was just taking a walk.”

“I see.”

That made more sense than him coming to pray for his parents’ souls, after all. He shivered suddenly, as a breeze went through the clearing. Hinata sighed.

“…We should get you inside. I don’t live far…”

“I don’t live far, ether. It’s fine.”

He was cold, curt, and to the point - that was just how he got when he was embarrassed. Hinata looked just a bit exasperated, but he eventually tugged on Komaeda’s long sleeve.

“I’ll walk you home, then. Come on.”

Komaeda was about to protest - but then he sneezed from the cold. Glowering, he started walking home. It really wasn’t that fair.

“…Do what you want,” he called over his shoulder, and heard Hinata’s footsteps behind him a moment later. How predictable.

Hinata, wisely, didn’t attempt to talk to him on their way back - he seemed to be trying to figure out why Komaeda would act so bizarre. Whatever. He could think all he wanted. A reserve wouldn’t be able to figure it out.

He arrived at his mansion, Hinata looking up at the large gates with surprise and awe. “…Wow. Your parents must really be rich, huh?”

He rolled his eyes, unlocking the gates and stepping inside the yard. Hinata was still standing there, looking in surprise.

“…You want to see inside, don’t you?” Komaeda finally sighed, looking back at him. Hinata jolted, eyes going wide.

“I, uh…I mean…” He swallowed nervously. “If it’s…not a good time, then…”

Komaeda stared at him intensely, then finally sighed, pushing the gate open further. “…Come in if you want. You can call your parents if you need to.”

“Ah…” Hinata looked like a kid on Christmas morning, predictably. He stared almost suspiciously, like he expected Komaeda to slam the gate in his face, before Komaeda rolled his eyes, opening it completely.

“Come on, Hinata-kun. You aren’t going to just stand there all day, are you?”

Hinata swallowed, then stepped inside hesitantly, looking at the rose garden in his front yard with apprehension, as if they thought they would suddenly spring up and devour him whole. He rolled his eyes yet again, pushing Hinata inside the manor.

“…It’s just a mansion. I get that reserves don’t see places this grand very often, but it’s not going to come alive and eat you or something.”

“I…” Hinata still looked flabbergasted, staring around the manor. Komaeda sighed, taking his hoodie off for him and setting it on the hook.

“….My chef is still here. You can go to her for some food and to get a telephone. I’ll take you to the kitchen, and then go get dressed. Come on, Hinata-kun.”

He started down the hall, Hinata blinking out of his trance and following after him in a hurry, looking around in awe and wonder even still. Komaeda knocked on the door to the kitchen, pushing it open a moment after.

“Ah, Komaeda-san, you’re back - “ His chef blinked, looking at Hinata in surprise. “…Oh. Who do we have here?”

“A guest. Hinata Hajime.” Komaeda said flatly, bristling slightly. “He’s hungry, so I’d like for you to cook him something and show him to a phone.” He started walking away a moment later, Hinata looking up at him helplessly for a moment.

Komaeda didn’t really like having servants - but he kind of needed them, especially for cooking. Kitchens seemed sentient and ready to blow on him at any given moment, so he couldn’t really cook for himself at all. The manor was big, too, and even he couldn’t maintain it all. He’d rather not live in a disgusting house…even trash like him didn’t warrant that.

–

Hinata was still having trouble wrapping his head around this entire situation. He’d known that Komaeda had been rich…but this level of rich…this place was huge…! It could house a family of twelve, at least, maybe even more. Komaeda was right; he’d never seen a place this grand, and it was pretty overwhelming. He even had servants.

That’s insane.

“Is there any meal you’d prefer at the moment?”

“Oh, uh…” His head was still a scramble. “W-Whatever’s fine, I guess.”

The chef was looking at him strangely as she started to chop up some fish, and Hinata swallowed. She was probably thinking of how normal and obviously not as high class as Komaeda he looked…

“…Komaeda-san hasn’t brought a guest home in years,” she murmured. “…This is very unusual. You must be someone special, then, Hinata-san.”

Someone…special…?

“I…don’t think I’m anyone special, really…but he hasn’t brought home a friend in years…? Really?” Even with the bullying, he found that a bit hard to believe.

“Ever since that horrible incident when he was thirteen, poor thing.” She shook her head, and Hinata couldn’t help but perk up with curiosity.

“…Horrible incident?”

“Oh, yes.” The chef seemed very excited to finally have someone to talk to after so long, probably since Komaeda didn’t usually have guests, Hinata deducted. “It was truly horrible…Komaeda-kun was kidnapped for a week, you see. By a fearsome serial killer…poor thing. He’s lucky he survived.”

Hinata blinked. Kidnapped…? Doesn’t that kind of thing only happen in movies, or whatever…?

“Of course, Komaeda-kun won the lottery soon after, almost as if the gods took pity on him.”

_His luck…his talent…did something like that…then…?_

Hinata wasn’t stupid - he could deduce that much. Komaeda had said his good luck sometimes came at a cost of bad luck…but why couldn’t it work the other way around…?

“I…I see…”

“If only his parents had been here to pay the ransom, really -”

The door opened, and suddenly Komaeda was standing there, glaring. He’d gotten dressed in more casual clothes - a green hoodie, white and red shirt, and jeans. He looked at the chef in disapproval.

“…I pay you to cook. Not to gossip with my guests.”

“Ah…Of course, Komaeda-san -”

“…Hinata-kun and I will be in the dining room. I’ll show him to a phone myself. Come on, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata didn’t really know what to say - but he felt like he’d gotten the woman in trouble by asking for more information. He swallowed, but ended up following Komaeda. The white haired boy took him to a phone, staring him down. Hinata didn’t really have any choice but to call and leave a message for his parents.

“…Komaeda,” he started reluctantly after, Komaeda looking back at him, still looking inexplicably irritated with him. “…You never explained to me why you were at the shrine in a yukata, you know.”

Komaeda gave him a slightly conflicted stare, leading him down to the dining hall. Finally, he spoke up, surprising Hinata. Komaeda tended to give cryptic, unhelpful answers, but…

“I was praying. I was in my yukata to check if it still fit me and would be comfortable to walk around in, plus if anyone saw me there, they would just I was working there in that sort of outfit.”

“O-Oh.” Praying? Komaeda never really seemed the pious type…he wondered what he could be praying for.

Maybe an end to this endless cycle of bad and good luck.

Matsuda had been right, really - the more he learned about Komaeda’s talent, the less sure he was about the project. Komaeda had talent, but…it came at such a high price.

_If I got every talent…would I get Komaeda’s, too? Would I end up having an endless cycle of good and bad things happening to me?_

He didn’t really want that, selfish as it was…it really was a high price. And one other thing struck him, too.

_That woman said that I must be special to have gotten Komaeda’s attention…_

But Hinata wasn’t special - and he knew well enough from conversations with him that Komaeda idealized the talented, the Ultimates, so much. Liked him because they had similar views on hope and talent and felt he could talk freely with him.

_Am I really special to Komaeda, even without having talent?_

The thought made him feel oddly flustered. Komaeda could be a cryptic ass…but he was interesting to talk to, and often made Hinata feel at ease, more relaxed. Often he forgot he was even talking to an Ultimate - though, that wasn’t a slight against Komaeda himself. More that…he just didn’t feel pressure around him. Any pressure to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He could be crass and sarcastic and blunt all he wanted around Komaeda, but Komaeda would still be on that bench every day after class to laugh and talk about the day’s events.

_I didn’t really think about it…but Komaeda must be someone special to me, really._

He glanced over at the other, suddenly realizing he hadn’t been talking through Hinata’s own daze of thoughts - he also looked like he was deep in a trance of thought on his own. Komaeda was irritated, that was clear - probably because Hinata had caught him praying, of all things. He probably shouldn’t try and push it or speak up, not now.

_Maybe he’ll tell me when he’s ready._

…How much time did they really have, though?

It was a month until the deadline for the Project - he had to make his choice soon. And he would disappear, and become filled with talent. He knew that. He’d read over the papers.

Two months ago, he would have said yes with no hesitation - anything to become a bright hope that people could be proud of, that could actually do something.

Now he wasn’t so sure about that. About any of it.

He didn’t like that feeling - it was unnerving. He’d get kicked out of Hope’s Peak if he didn’t accept, and then where would he be…?

_But there’s still so much…I’m conflicted about…_

He wanted to grow closer to Komaeda. And, cowardly as it was, he didn’t want to end up with that kind of hellish luck, either. Both him and Komaeda didn’t really have any conventional talent, but they were still important to each other. He knew that now.

You need talent to be useful to the world…but do you need talent to be…important to someone else…?

He was jolted out of his thoughts by a plate filled with grilled fish and steaming vegetables clattering in front of him. His eyes went wide - it really did look like something out of a menu picture in some fancy restaurant.

“T-Thanks,” he murmured, starting to eat already. Komaeda nodded towards the chef after she set his meal in front of him, and then she left, presumably for the night since it was already eight…

The dining hall was silent except for the noises of their forks and knives clattering together as they ate. Hinata had to admit, this was the best food he’d ever eaten, hands down. He wasn’t really a glutton, but he couldn’t help stuffing his face anyway. It was really amazing food.

…He had to stop to wonder, though, why it was so quiet. He assumed Komaeda’s parents were away…but now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen any family pictures on the walls at all. That was a bit strange. If his parents were really high class, they’d probably want to take a lot of those…but the walls were surprisingly bare.

_Weird, I guess. But it’s not like they might not have a reason._

“Komaeda…thanks for the meal.” He swallowed his last bite, looking over at the other, who’d been so quiet and almost brooding since he’d seen him tonight. The other blinked, then looked up.

“…You’re welcome, I suppose.”

And that was all - no snide comment, or anything. He looked incredibly forlorn and tired…exhausted, really.

He probably got a cold or something from being outside in the early morning. I…probably shouldn’t linger, but…

“Komaeda…you know we’re friends, right?”

Komaeda looked up, a dazed look of surprise on his face.

“…We’re friends. So if something’s bothering you…you can speak up about it, you know.” He swallowed. “…I mean that. I’ll…definitely listen to you. Alright?”

Komaeda met his gaze completely, then, and Hinata had to restrain a gasp at the swirls of exhaustion and conflict and turmoil in those eyes.

“…That’s a bit hypocritical.”

“Huh?”  
  
“Don’t you have something troubling you too, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda said smoothly, shaking his head as he stood up. “And yet you haven’t told me.”

“…I…”

Of course he had something bothering him - the Kamukura Project, and whether it was really a good idea, the right idea. But something like that…

What would…Komaeda say to that…?

He was afraid of the answer. So he swallowed, gaze flickering down.

“…You’re right. But…I’m not saying you have to talk about it. I’m just saying that…you can talk to me if you need to, Komaeda. I promise.”

Komaeda hesitated, before scoffing.

“…It doesn’t matter. I should get you home - I can walk you at least to the shrine.”

Komaeda was being as avoidant as ever - Hinata merely sighed. He wanted to get through to Komaeda, wanted to break down those walls of his and find out what exactly was bothering him, and help…but if Komaeda wouldn’t tell him, there wasn’t anything he could do.

“…Alright. But just to the shrine. It’s already pretty cold out, for summer.”

“Fine.”

Komaeda led him back to the lavish front door, grabbing his hoodie for him and tossing it at him. Hinata caught it easily, and the two of them started walking awkwardly down the road to the shrine.

“…So, are you still up for going to the festival tomorrow?”

Komaeda looked up at him, almost as if he’d honestly forgotten about the festival - but with how distracted he’d seemed this evening, Hinata couldn’t really blame him if he had.

“…Ah. Of course. It’ll be fun, won’t it, to see all the brilliant things the Ultimates have put together, right?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” Hinata couldn’t stop a small smile from falling across his lips. Komaeda was starting to talk like himself again. That was definitely a good thing.

“The fireworks will be fun too, right?”

Komaeda paused, then gave a halfhearted shrug - Hinata blinked in surprise - had he said something wrong?

“…I guess.” Komaeda laughed, obviously self-deprecatingly. “…I…to be honest, though…I don’t really like loud noises. Bangs, things like that.”

“Oh.” That was…surprising. Maybe it had something to do with when he was kidnapped? That kind of thing could lead to trauma, right? The way Komaeda looked…it seemed more like a trauma thing then just an unpleasant thing.

“Well…that’s no problem. We can get you some earmuffs or something, right? That’ll block out the noises, but you can still see the fireworks.”

“Ah…” Komaeda blinked, as if he’d never thought of that before. “…I suppose you’re right. I could try that…I do think they are usually pretty, after all. I like pretty things…”

“Good to know.” Hinata made a mental note of that. Komaeda likes pretty things.

They were already at the shrine, so Hinata gave a wave to Komaeda, as he turned and started bolting home - he’d been out late, after all. But it felt worth it. He felt like…he’d learned a lot about Komaeda tonight. Luckily.

\--

Komaeda slowly walked home, his head still abuzz with confusion and conflict. He didn’t want to go home right now, to an empty house full of darkness and loss -  

It was for hope. It was.

So instead he walked, legs sore and face feeling flushed. He walked and walked, having no idea of where he was going - until he ended up at a riverbank, not a soul anywhere nearby. He stared at his reflection in the moonlight reflecting water. Shuddering.

_I’m so pathetic. What the hell am I doing? What am I doing??_

Inviting Hinata for dinner…inviting him into his house of all things…why? Why the hell was he doing things like that? Why the hell did he like seeing Hinata smile, and laugh - why did he find the look on his face when he’d seen the piles of food so adorable?? Why did it make him feel so special to hear him be so considerate as to suggest earmuffs, so he could still enjoy the fireworks?

He was just…a reserve…

Talent is all that matters. Hope is all that matters. Hinata-kun is a presumptuous reserve student who doesn’t even know his place!

But…Hinata wasn’t really presumptuous…not…not really. Not truly. He heard Hinata’s unconfident words, the reluctance in his voice at times, the utter insecurity. He’s not really presumptuous.

He fell to his knees before the riverbank, hugging himself tightly in the cold.

_And even if he wasn’t. Even if he wasn’t…I’m a pathetic bringer of death and destruction…! I can’t care about anyone!!! I can’t love anyone!!! Because they’ll always be lost for the sake of hope…_

Always. Always. No matter how nice Hinata was, no matter how special he made him feel, it didn’t matter. He would die. **He would** **die!**

He shuddered, eyes stinging.

He’s just a reserve. He’s just a reserve. He’s just a reserve. He doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. What kind of good luck would come from his death, anyway?

He’s not worth it. He’s not. The luck that would come from his death wouldn’t even be strong. He’s a hopeless symbol! What kind of hope could come from that!!!

His heart was pounding in his chest. What a stupid chance encounter.

“What do I have to do…?” His voice broke slightly, as he stared at his disgustingly tearful expression. “What…what do I have to do…? Why…? Why did I meet him?  _Why did he come into my life!”_

Frustrated, he splashed his reflection away, so viscerally repulsed and disgusted. He wanted to throw up, seeing his own face.

“I hate him! Why didn’t he just leave me alone! Why did he have to follow me around? Why did he have to be so….so nice..! Why couldn’t he have just learned his place and left the main course alone like a good little stepping stone! Why? _ **Why!?**_  Is this some kind of joke? A prank from the gods?! I’m sick of it! I’m sick of it! It’s not worth it…it’s not…”

He cursed the gods. He cursed Hinata. He cursed himself. He cursed his luck. He cursed hope and despair both.

Hope…what kind of hope will come from a reserve’s death, huh? He’s useless!! Untalented!! A leech on society…

He hated thinking these things about Hinata. He hated himself for hating it. They should be absolutely right, absolutely firm, absolute fact…

But it hurt. And he hated that it hurt. He was weak. He was disgusting. He was the truly worthless one, crying by a river bank.

Then he heard a clap of thunder, and that jolted him out of his parade of self pity. A moment later, a deluge of water began raining on him.

Ah. What bad luck. This must be the bad luck to offset Hinata-kun being so nice.

And Komaeda couldn’t help but laugh in the rain. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

_Of course, there’s nothing I can do!! My luck will kill Hinata-kun no matter what - so why even fight it? If you can’t fight it, why not revel in it!? Some hope will come after, right!? It has to. And Hinata-kun is such a worthless stepping stone, anyway. Why do I care!? Why would I care? Why does it matter!? It doesn’t, it doesn’t!!!_

There was no point in fighting the effects of his curse. There was nothing he could do. Why fight it, when you can just revel in it!?

He laughed. Until his voice eventually broke into sobs.


	6. Chapter 6

Classes weren’t going on the next day, and this festival was the only time the Reserve Course and the Main Course could freely talk and move between each other’s buildings. It was an all day and evening event - so he’d been looking forward to it so he could hang out with Komaeda all he wanted and not have to worry about being caught and sent back to the Reserve Building. Komaeda might have forgotten about it a few times, but honestly, Hinata didn’t think he’d paid any note to the fact that the Reserves and Ultimates could finally mingle.

The last day’s events were still in his mind - Komaeda praying in a snow white yukata, the scent of vanilla still lingering in the air, and seeing his manor..seeing him so clearly vulnerable.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, really.

They didn’t have to wear their uniforms, either, but Hinata still wore his, just without the distinctive black jacket that marked him as a Reserve. It wasn’t really for that reason, though - it was just hot, really. He’d wandered around the booths - but try as he might, he didn’t find Komaeda. He wasn’t even at his own class’s booth - though that shouldn’t really be surprising, considering what they thought of him.

Where could he have gone…?

He talked with a few different people, mostly getting caught up in the swing of things - but it was already afternoon and he hadn’t seen Komaeda at all.

_…It started raining after I got home. Could Komaeda have gotten caught up in that? Maybe he’s sick?_

He remembered Komaeda confessing that he had some sort of disease. If he really had gotten caught up in the rain, maybe he’d triggered it and gotten sick?

That would be really bad luck.

The festival wasn’t mandatory if you weren’t taking part in the booths…maybe he could ask an office member for Komaeda’s address? They might have it, or might give it to him if he was lucky…

If he was sick, maybe…?

It was a long shot…but checking Matsuda’s office seemed like it would be worth a shot, even if it was unlikely that he’d be there. He headed down the halls, cheers and laughter dissipating as he went further into the school, finding Matsuda’s personal office. He knocked once, then again, to no response. Scowling, he tried the knob - to his surprise, it opened quite easily. He blinked in surprise.

“Komaeda?”  
  


It was Komaeda, alright - curled up on one of the cots, breathing deeply and peacefully. Asleep.

For some reason, Hinata felt his face grow slightly warm at the sight. Absently, he shut the door behind him, going to sit on the chair next to the cot, staring down at Komaeda.

_He looks…peaceful…_

Komaeda always looked at least a little strained. But here, he looked relaxed. Free of all his worries and utterly content. Vulnerable, too. Incredibly vulnerable. It put the vulnerability he’d glimpsed last night to shame.

He was in such a bewildering trance watching him like this - that the sudden noise of him sneezing nearly made Hinata fall out of his seat.

Oh. So he is sick.

Despite his sickness, if it had come from the rain, he must have come to school…maybe he’d passed out, or something, and Matsuda had let him sleep in here, away from the crowds and noise.

If that’s the case, that was surprisingly nice of him.

Or maybe Komaeda had just broken into the room to sleep. Honestly, he wouldn’t have put it past him.

…He’s still sleeping.

He looked down at him, swallowing.

_Why do I feel so nervous?_

Curious, suddenly, he reached his hand out, brushing it over his forehead. It wasn’t too warm…but he definitely had a slight fever. Hinata couldn’t help but bristle.

_Idiot…walking home in the rain like that…_

To his surprise, he suddenly felt a loose grip on his wrist. Glancing down, his face got even hotter as he noticed Komaeda had his wrist in his hand, slender fingers just barely grazing over the meat of his palm. Just a moment later, his eyes fluttered, and then opened, staring up at Hinata hazily. Those gray greens were clearly glazed over with fever.

Ah.

His mouth felt very dry. He swallowed, before pulling his hand out of his grip hastily, Komaeda looking up at him with clear confusion.

“…Hinata…kun…?”

“Y-Yeah.” At least he wasn’t so fevered that he couldn’t recognize him. He sounded so tired though. Exhausted. It must be the fever.

“…Why are you here…?”

  
“I, uh…I was looking for you.” He nodded firmly. “I didn’t have as much fun at the festival without you, you know? I didn’t know where to look…I considered going to your house, but I thought you might have gotten sick and ended up in here…”

“…Oh. The festival, right…”

“D-Did you seriously forget again?”

Komaeda really seemed unbearably tired. Despite that, he sat up slowly, sluggishly, rubbing his eyes.

“H-Hey, what are you doing?”

“…I promised we’d go to the festival, right?”

“You…don’t have to right now, Komaeda. You’re sick.” He shook his head. “I-It’s only one. You can rest for a bit longer. The festival will be going on until after sunset.”

“…” Komaeda didn’t seem convinced. He was avoiding looking at Hinata, and was rubbing the bridge of his nose as if he was immensely distracted.

“Komaeda?”

“…Are you going to go?” He finally turned to look at him, conflict in his gaze. Hinata blinked in surprise - once again, Komaeda sounded unbelievably vulnerable. It must be the fever.

“…Uh.” Still, Hinata wasn’t sure what to say. “…I mean…I wasn’t having that much fun just wandering around by myself. So…um…I guess I could stay…?” He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say.

“…Won’t you be bored?”

He considered that. After all, Komaeda would just be sleeping. And…even though he’d been…surprisingly interesting to watch sleep - his face got hot again - Hinata wasn’t sure it would be entertaining for the few hours he was sure Komaeda would need rest for.

“…You could break into Matsuda-kun’s computer, I suppose.” Hinata was relieved to hear a bit of a teasing lit to his voice - as strangely privileged as the vulnerability made him feel, it was nice to hear Komaeda talking more like his regular self again.

“I’m not a hacker.” He shrugged, looking over to the fancy computer on Matsuda’s desk - to his surprise, it was on stand by, screen dimmed, but not blank.

_…I could…look more into the Kamukura Project, couldn’t I?_

A sudden spike of cold shot up from the base of his spine. He could, right? Matsuda was working on that Project, so he absolutely had to have files on it…this would probably be his only chance. Quickly, he bolted over to the desk, moving the mouse and un dimming the screen.

“Huh?…You really are going on there without permission…? I was just teasing, you know.” Komaeda slurred, Hinata ignoring him briefly as he set the computer to go into sleep mode later then what was selected. Then he straightened up, glancing around the room.

“Hinata-kun…?”  
  
He found what he was looking for - a basin. Quickly, he filled it with cool water, then dipped a cloth in it. He walked back over to Komaeda, pushing him down on the bed and resting the cloth on his forehead.

“…Ah…”  
  
“…You need to rest. That will bring your fever down.” He patted his shoulder, almost awkwardly. “I’ll wake you up in a few hours to check on you. Try and recover, alright?”

“…Are you worried about me, Hinata-kun?”

“…Of course I am. We’re friends. So get some rest, Komaeda.”

Komaeda looked up at him with hazy, fever-lidded eyes.

“…Friends?”

“We’ve discussed this. We’re definitely friends, Komaeda.” He was growing a bit impatient - he was worried about Komaeda, of course, but this would probably be his only chance to check if the school was hiding anything from him.

“…Friends.” Komaeda sighed. “…You always insist on that.”

“…Because we are friends. You’re the one who always insists otherwise.” Hinata shook his head.

“…Hinata-kun…you shouldn’t be friends with me. I…” Komaeda’s throat seemed to close up. “…I was selfish…”

Hinata didn’t really know what Komaeda was talking about - but it was probably some fever induced delusion. He looked down at him - he looked so conflicted that Hinata still felt obligated to try and defend him.

“…You weren’t selfish. Don’t worry about it.”

Hinata sighed, turning to head back to the computer, Komaeda’s sleeping voice drifting in the air, freezing Hinata in place when his ears caught the words.

“I really do like you too much, Hinata-kun.”

His face heated up, and he whirled around - but Komaeda was already sleeping, his head lolled off to one side as he breathed in and out.

…What did that mean…?

He’d sounded so serious about it…like him too much? What did that mean…?

He shook his head, trying to will away the flush burning up his face. It didn’t matter. It had to just be fevered ramblings. Putting the thoughts out of his mind for now, he sat at the desk. Matsuda wasn’t a bad guy, really, so he felt bad about looking through his computer like this. But if he was going to give his body up for the school…even if it was for hope and talent’s sake…he wanted to know exactly what he was getting into.

Matsuda couldn’t tell him much, but he kept subtly trying to discourage him from going into the project without really telling him why. He knew Matsuda was tied to this - much more than he was, at least at this point, so it made sense that he couldn’t spill secrets and specific details. But he had to have some reason to want him to deter from it…

After he was done reading the details of one of the articles, though, he wanted to throw up, face completely devoid of colour.

_They…were going to erase my memories…?_

He’d known that personalty erasure had been a risk - but he was surprisingly okay with that, at least. He was a nobody, a talentless blotch on society - giving up his personality would be something he would be okay with, if it was to gain talent, to gain confidence…

_But my memories…!_

Without his memories, without his personality…he wouldn’t be himself at all, anymore. He’d be…completely erased. Almost as if an entirely other person would be overtaking his body.

Hastily, he shut down the documents, feeling ill and sick and sweaty. They…they’d tricked him. He’d been more than willing to give them his body, even his personality, but…literally everything…

He seriously felt like he might throw up.

Definitely, he’d have to tell the school board as soon as possible…that he wanted nothing to do with this.

But…

He looked over at Komaeda, sleeping so innocently and vulnerably.

_**I really do like you too much.** _

If he rejected their offer…he wouldn’t be allowed to go to Hope’s Peak, even as a Reserve, anymore.

What would happen to Komaeda, then?

He would still be able to see him, probably - they lived close enough to each other that it was easily feasible. But…

Komaeda will definitely start getting bullied again.

He’d been able to deter most of his attackers, at least from the reserve course, but if he was gone…they’d easily just pounce on him.

His head whirled with conflict - in the end, he decided it’d be better to wait until the end of the month to tell the school board. That was the best way to give himself time to think of a plan. He opened a window, breathing in the fresh air while his head still spun.

This is insane…erasing personalities? Memories? It’s just…

He’d learned to accept a lot of things, though, since first finding out about Komaeda’s luck. It felt less crazy now then it probably should have.

Honestly, if I hadn’t had that much exposure to how insane this place really can be, I probably wouldn’t even believe this now.

Finally, he felt himself stabilize, breathing a bit more consistent and less laboured. He still felt slightly ill…but he’d be fine. He sat down at the chair next to Komaeda’s bed, watching him, trying to put the horrifying revelations out of his mind, and think of something else. Anything else.

…Komaeda…

It’s been so long since they’d met…or at least it felt that way. But really, it’d only been two months, hadn’t it?

Just two months…

But it felt like so much longer, since he’d saved that bratty looking main course student from being beat on, only to earn a scoff and a wave of dismissal.

_I never thought I would see him again after that, to be honest. And I didn’t really want to._

He’d gone out of his way to help the guy, and then he’d been so rude and cruel. He’d thought he was just some high and mighty Reserve student after that. Even after first seeing him again, he’d gotten that impression…until he’d called him interesting.

_No one had ever called me interesting before._

From that moment on, talking to Komaeda…became more and more of an event he looked forward to. They’d been friends - then Komaeda had stopped talking to him, started avoiding him, and he’d had to confront him.

Then he told me about that damned luck…

Komaeda was such a strange guy. But now, more than ever, he was convinced he didn’t have any bad intentions.

He doesn’t deserve to be left alone like this.

He sighed, exasperated and exhausted, mentally really, reaching forward and brushing his fingers over his forehead, taking off the cloth.

…His fever’s gone down a little. That’s good.

Again, he was left to ponder what he’d been talking about earlier - being selfish? Liking him too much? Just remembering the words while touching the other’s flushed skin made him flush, too.

Komaeda’s never this open…is something up…?

Since he’d seen him yesterday, he’d seemed so off, so frazzled around him - he’d invited him over, but it’d been pretty awkward even if he’d been glad to finally see Komaeda’s house, if not meet his parents.

He didn’t know what it could be…He sighed, absently brushing his fingers over the other’s forehead, fingers catching on his bangs and brushing them behind his ear.

_I wish I could help him._

For all he could deflect bullies from attacking Komaeda, it didn’t seem like he could help him with anything deeper than that, despite being his friend. Komaeda just…wasn’t open. It took a lot to get him to open up…Hinata didn’t want to push him, but…

_…I hate leaving it like this. I…definitely want to understand you, Komaeda. I definitely want to understand…and be able to finally help you. I’ll definitely try my best…even if I won’t be Hope or have any talent…I’m going to try. I promise._

It was all he could do.


	7. Chapter 7

Komaeda finally woke up, surrounded by white and bright lights - ah. The infirmary, right. He sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes. Right…he’d had a cold this morning…probably from the rain yesterday. But he’d wanted to still meet up with Hinata. He’d promised, after all. It would be terribly bad luck if he had to break his promise because of a sudden sickness and rainstorm.

So he’d come here regardless, but ended up passing out…

He glanced over, suddenly becoming aware of a warm incline on the bed - and jolted.

“…Hinata-kun?”

Hinata’s arms were crossed under his chin, head turned on it’s side as he lay there, clearly asleep. Though it was certainly an awkward position for his back. He’d been sitting in a chair next to the bed after all.

_He must have really waited for me to wake up…_

Sighing, feeling irritated for some reason, he pulled himself out of bed. It was only four…they still had plenty of time to go and enjoy the festival. That was…good. His head still felt a bit heavy, but his fever was mostly gone. Just to be safe, he took some fever medication, drinking down a full glass of water.

That should do it.

He looked over at Hinata sleeping - that position looked really uncomfortable. He hesitated, before shaking his shoulder slightly.

“Oi. Hinata-kun. Wake up.”

Hinata mumbled in his sleep - that was kind of cute, but he most certainly wouldn’t let himself think about that - blinking slowly as he finally woke up.

“Mmgh…Komaeda?”

“Yeah…I’m surprised you fell asleep at school, Hinata-kun. You’re really careless.”

“Wha -” Hinata glowered, sitting up sharply. “…Y-You’re one to talk. And there isn’t even class today.”

“Ahh, I suppose you’ve got me there.”

His eyes fell slightly - like this, he couldn’t help but think of last night, of the inevitable conclusion this friendship would reach.

Will Hinata-kun’s death really…bring about a bright hope?

He really, really didn’t like thinking about that at all. He swallowed, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking outside the window.

_I really, really like Hinata-kun._

It was so strange to think of - it’d just been a damn chance encounter. They never should have even spoken. And yet, they had, like the taunting strings of fate were twining him deeper and deeper, laughing as he struggled in vain. Really, it felt like his struggles only made him sink deeper.

If you can’t fight it, why not revel in it?

For some reason, he didn’t like thinking of it like that, either. He sighed. Hinata looked up at him, seeming to notice his turmoil.

“…Komaeda? You still feeling sick?”

“Ah, just a little bit.” He waved a hand dismissively. “I took some more medication…I suppose with my luck, it could either make me sicker or better immediately. I guess we’ll have to see!”

“Y-You sound way too excited about that.” Hinata himself sounded quite exasperated, but Komaeda merely laughed.

_If my luck is still targeting me, then…_

“Ah, Hinata-kun. You were going to hack into Matsuda-kun’s computer, weren’t you?” he spoke up suddenly, cheekily. “Did you find anything interesting?”

“Ah.”  
  
Hinata, for some reason, looked very torn up by his words. Komaeda blinked in surprise. He hadn’t expected him to really go through with it, for one, and even if he did…he didn’t have to look so conflicted?

“…What’s wrong?” Komaeda frowned. “…Hinata-kun, you didn’t find anything weird on his computer, did you?”

“…Komaeda…”

Hinata did look really and truly conflicted. He was biting his lip, and  Komaeda had noticed by this point that he did that whenever he was about to lie or brush something off that was troubling him.

When did I even notice something like that? When did I even start paying Hinata-kun so much attention?

“…Now…isn’t the time to talk about it,” he finally said. “…But after the festival…I think I can tell you. I don’t…like hiding things from you, after all.”

If question marks could appear in the real world, they would be popping up all over Komaeda’s head at the moment. As it was, he merely frowned, brow furrowed as he looked the other over, seeing the confusion and conflict in his gaze.

Has…something been bothering Hinata-kun, too?

Hard as it was to admit it, he’d been so wrapped up in his own frustrations and worries that he hadn’t noticed that Hinata looked…really terribly conflicted and tired.

_I don’t understand. Could it be…?_

If it was something from Matsuda’s computer that made him so worried, then could it have something to do with why Hinata was allowed in the main course building? Why he was allowed to talk to Matsuda when other reserves would have just been chased out of the building if they even tried to take one step inside?

_As long as it’s to become Hope…that’s what he said, way back then. I don’t think…I ever told him I overheard part of that conversation._

Now was probably a bad time to bring it up…the other didn’t seem to want to discuss such things until the festival was over.

“…Alright.” He stood up, stretching. “…If we want to enjoy the festival, though, we probably go now…the evening stalls will be set up in just a couple of hours, after all. We don’t want to miss the afternoon ones.”

“Ah…? Are you sure you’re feeling well enough?”

He smiled, seemingly without a care in the world. “I am. I guess that was the right medicine after all. I really am lucky, aren’t I?”

Hinata rolled his eyes, but the prior exhaustion and turmoil in his gaze seemed to have been chased away by his teasing words. “Sure. If you say so. Let’s go, then.”

At this time of day, the festival really was booming - Komaeda himself hadn’t gotten to see many attractions or stalls in the morning before he’d passed out, but he at least could remember that there hadn’t been that many people here that early. Most came in the afternoon or evening, which was understandable…Komaeda had wanted to see all the attractions he could, though, so he’d come early…

_If I’d slept in, I probably wouldn’t have felt sick while awake at all…_

“Oooh, Hinata-kun, there’s a maid and butler cafe! We could try -”

“Not happening.”

“…Aha. Hinata-kun shot down my idea so quickly…”

Despite that, he had a fun time with Hinata, checking out most of the attractions - a group of musically inclined students were even putting on a concert.

“…Isn’t the Ultimate Musician in your class?” Hinata-kun asked him as they watched the concert from afar. Komaeda nodded.

“Yeah. She’s quite diligent, isn’t she? All of them are - they all have their own classroom attractions to do, but here they are putting on a concert on top of that. That’s pretty incredible, don’t you think?”

“…Yeah. But, I mean, if I were talented, I’d want to use my talent at every opportunity anyway. Maybe it’s just about getting practice in.”

“That’s possible, I suppose.” Komaeda considered it, watching the concert until Hinata got bored and dragged him off.

Pretty soon after that, the sun started to set, and the classes started cleaning up their attractions - Komaeda tried to help, as did Hinata - though, of course, Komaeda was much more cautious about it all. He didn’t want to accidentally knock something over and break it thanks to how clumsy he could be.

“Ahh, fresh air!” He took in a large breath of night time air as they stepped outside, walking over to the locker room to get changed. Hinata chuckled.

“It is nice, I suppose.” He glanced up at Komaeda, and Komaeda caught a glimmer of uncertainty in his gaze. “…You’re having fun, then?”

“Of course I’m having fun, Hinata-kun. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

He hummed, a spring in his step as he followed after Hinata.

_Hinata-kun is just a reserve, but I always have so much fun when we’re together. I don’t really understand it, but…_

Well, as much as he enjoyed it, it worried him too. Even now, he couldn’t help but be cautious and worried, thinking that some meteor might fall out of sky and kill Hinata right in front of him.

_I hate thinking like that. But I just…can’t help it._

Was it really inevitable? Would that really happen no matter what, now?

_Or will Hinata-kun become hopeful enough that my luck won’t affect him?_

Somehow, that seemed incredibly unlikely. He shook his head. It didn’t matter. Worrying about things like this…it just didn’t matter. He couldn’t do anything about it. Even if he never saw Hinata again, he was certain at this point that his luck would still find some way to hurt him. It was simply too late.

How despairing.

Still, there was nothing he could do. So he might as well enjoy himself while it lasted.

_I really am sorry, Hinata-kun._

He got changed easily, into the same yukata he’d worn the other night. For tonight, he’d grabbed a fan - silver to match the bands and streaks of silver in his white yukata. Slightly impatient, he waited outside for Hinata, idly fanning himself in the night heat as the cicadas chirped.

_He should have worn it out like I did, to make sure it still fit._

Ah, well. Hinata was still a reserve, for as happy as he made him feel. He couldn’t be held to too high of standards.

“Ah, sorry, Komaeda. Did I keep you waiting?”

He turned to the voice - Hinata was looking sheepish. But, of course, in his attire, that couldn’t be the first thing he really noticed. The yukata was a dark blue, trimmed with strips of fabric that brought out the colours in Hinata’s eyes - made them pop.

Hinata-kun’s mother must really have an eye for colours.

“Komaeda?”

It took Komaeda a few moments to realize he’d been staring - he blinked a few times, grinning as he met Hinata’s slightly flustered eyes.

“You kept me waiting a little - no more than I’d expect from a reserve.”

“Tch. Are you ever going to stop bothering me about that…?”

Komaeda just laughed. “I must admit, I usually like the nighttime booths and attractions more…”

“Of course you would. There’s more draws and luck based games at night than during the day.”

“Ah! Hinata-kun saw right through me, haha…”

Hinata rolled his eyes as they went down to the main area of the festival - booths were set up, tinted with bright, colourful lights and toys and treats. Komaeda’s eyes sparkled as he overlooked it all.

“Ahh…it really is beautiful, Hinata-kun!”

“…Yeah. It is.”

Hinata still seemed distracted - Komaeda really wondered what it could be that was worrying him so much. He’d wanted to enjoy this event, hadn’t he?

He’d just have to be polite, and not bring up how Hinata was obviously distracted. Hopefully he could get him into the swing of things more…

“Hinata-kun, do you like candy apples?”

He bought him a regular one, and bought himself one drizzled with caramel and dotted with nuts, humming happily as he bit into it and slid his fan into his pocket.

“There’s so much to do. It’s kind of overwhelming, isn’t it - ah, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata had, quite suddenly, grabbed his hand. Komaeda didn’t even have time to be flustered before the other started pulling him over to a particular stall.

“H-Hinata-kun?”

It was some sort of draw game - did Hinata want him to use his luck to win him one of the many stuffed animals lining the booth? He looked at him quizzically, but still, Hinata didn’t say anything.

“…Do you want me to try it for you, Hinata-kun?”

Finally, Hinata scoffed, letting go of his hand - Komaeda found himself missing that warmth and security - to drop a few yen coins in front of the booth runner. He didn’t understand - but Hinata looked pretty deep in concentration, suddenly pulling out a random stick from the draw.

“A miss. Bad luck, then?” The girl running the booth smiled slightly. Komaeda stared in bewilderment.

Why is he trying to do this himself when he knows I could do it and get whatever he wanted?

Hinata scowled, a usually adorable sight, before setting down a few more coins, picking again.

“Miss again. I’m really sorry…”

Hinata shook his head, trying again, and then again -

“Ah…you can redeem that one!” The girl looked surprised, but pleased - she probably felt bad that Hinata kept getting dulls. Hinata blinked, then grinned, scanning the stuffed animals lining the inside of the booth and the shelves.

“…Which one do you want, Komaeda?” Hinata waved the stick. “This one’s good for any of the smaller ones, so pick whichever one you want.”

“…Eh…?”

He looked at him in absolute confusion.

_He did it…to try and win me a present…?_

“Komaeda?”

“U-um…” He was taken incredibly off guard, and again his face was warming, so flustered as he was, he picked one of the smaller bears in a miniature yukata. The bear itself was white, and the yukata was light blue, lined with flowers. The girl smiled, then handed the bear off to Hinata, who gave it to Komaeda triumphantly.

“There we are…”  
  
He started dragging a sputtering and utterly confused Komaeda off as the next person tried the game.

“…H-Hinata-kun..why did you do that?”

Hinata gave a shrug of his shoulder, still holding his hand as he pulled him off to what was apparently another attraction he wanted to see.

“I never paid you back for that bear you got me.”

“T-That was a gift, Hinata-kun, you don’t -”

“Then this is a gift too,” Hinata said stubbornly, turning to him. “…You looked pretty happy with it when you picked it out.”

“I…I do like it, but…”

Gifts were a rarity for him. He could only stare down at the white plush bear, feeling a warmth shoot through his heart and entire chest.

A gift from Hinata-kun…

“…T…Thank you, Hinata-kun.”

“…You’re welcome, Komaeda.”

He knew back then, around when they’d met, Hinata might have gotten or at least acted somewhat irritated with Komaeda looking so much in awe over a small gift, but…

_It seems like he understands me more, now._

The thought made him almost as happy as the plush bear in his hands did.

“…Ah! The fireworks are starting…hurry up, Komaeda. We have to get a good place to watch from.”

Hinata yanked him yet again, and Komaeda could only be pulled alone as Hinata climbed a grassy hill, fireflies already swirling around them and the cicadas crying out.

“…Hah. I didn’t know Hinata-kun liked fireworks so much - oh…”

Suddenly, all noise was muffled as he felt softness over his ears. He reached his hands up, only to feel earmuffs over his ears.

“Hinata-kun…?”

They were so high quality and so strong, that he couldn’t even hear his own voice that well - that felt weird, but…

_Ah, right. I told Hinata-kun I didn’t like loud noises. He really remembered?_

They sat on the top of the hill, Komaeda looking up, transfixed by the pretty colours. He could still hear the booms and bangs, but they were muffled to such a degree that it didn’t even really bother him.

So beautiful…

Hinata squeezed his hand, and honestly, he barely even noticed - he’d always loved how fireworks looked, but he’d never been able to watch them like this, not with all the noises that inevitably came with them.

Reflexively, he squeezed Hinata’s hand back, as the colours and sparks reflected off his eyes.

When the fireworks were over, Hinata took off the earmuffs, and Komaeda blinked as the full impact of sound returned to his ears.

“…I thought that would help you out.” Hinata scratched his cheek, pulling his hand away from his. “…Did it?”

“Ah…” He looked at Hinata, still in a bit of a daze of wonder. “…Yes. It really did…thank you, Hinata-kun…”

_Hinata-kun really is…too kind to someone like me._

The other stretched as the festival winded down, and Komaeda bit his lip.

“…Hinata-kun. You said…you had something important to tell me after the festival. About the stuff you found on Matsuda-kun’s computer…”

Hinata froze, arms stretched over his head, before looking over to Komaeda.

“…You remembered, huh…”

“Of course I did.” Komaeda laughed sheepishly. “I mean, it was hard to forget when I could tell it was why you were so distracted during the festival. Really, Hinata-kun, you should learn to focus more.”

Hinata bit his lip, slowly lowering his arms. The cicadas were still chirping, and the fireflies were still drifting through the air. A breeze went over them, a warm summer wind, filling the area with the scent of grass and rustling their hair.

“…Hinata-kun?”

“…We’re…definitely friends, Komaeda.” Hinata looked up at him. “…So I know I can trust you with this.”

Hinata…sounded really serious. Komaeda didn’t understand, but he nodded anyway.

“I’m not really a trustworthy person, Hinata-kun, but if you want to trust someone like me, I really can’t stop you, haha…”

Hinata took a deep breath, fists clenching and unclenching against his legs.

What could be wrong…?

“…Komaeda…I didn’t…come to this school normally…even as a reserve.”

“…Huh?”

“…I was offered…a chance to come here and stay at the school as a reserve student. But that was only meant to be temporary.”

“…Temporary? Hinata-kun, I don’t understand…”

“They said….They said they could… ‘make’ me into someone with talent. Someone who could embody hope. They said it would just a few months of testing, and then I’d be…someone full of hope and talent. Someone…worth something…but…” Hinata gritted his teeth, looking down at the grass. “They just…were tricking me.”

“…Huh?”

None of what Hinata was saying made any sense - testing? Talent? Become an embodiment of hope? Komaeda didn’t understand it at all. He needed more information.

  
“…What are you talking about…? Testing?”

“They were going to rip open my brain, Komaeda.” He shook his head in disgust. “They were going to take out all my memories, my personality, my emotions - all of who I was - and…just…fill me up with every talent in the world. The Ultimate Hope. Kamukura Izuru, they said, I would be called after.”

Ultimate Hope…?

Something like the Ultimate Hope…sounded wonderful. Someone who had every talent, and the ability to do anything in the world.

_That would really be amazing…_

And yet, Komaeda found himself shuddering in disgust.

_As amazing as the idea sounds - you can’t just make hope in a lab. You can’t make something worthless into something incredibly amazing like that - it’s just impossible. Something like that really would backfire. It’d be false hope._

And false hope was just the same as despair in the end.

“…I was really stupid.” Hinata chuckled. “…Really dumb. I thought…they would just give me talent. I didn’t realize I’d be completely erased…I was naïve, and they took advantage of that.”

“…I…see.” A sudden thought came into his head. “…Is that what you were talking about with Matsuda-kun?” he blurted, and Hinata looked at him strangely. Sheepishly, Komaeda looked away.

“…I overheard you two, before. Um. Back when I first saw you in his office…he was trying to talk you out of doing something and you said that as long as you became hope in the end, it would be fine…I had no idea you were talking about…something like this, though.”

Really, his head felt dazed and confused, even still. Human experimentation…? Would Hope’s Peak really go that far?

It seemed like such a pity - he’d really thought Hope’s Peak had been a pit of pure hope and talent - but all of them were just collected here, from what Hinata said. Just collected to analyze…and give talent to the…Ultimate Hope…

_This place was never Hope at all._

That was really such a pity, but it left him with a puzzling question.

_I got my cancer and dementia diagnosis as bad luck, but my admittance to Hope’s Peak was supposed to be the good luck to offset that. But if this place was really never Hope at all…then what…?_

…He could think about that later. Hinata looked really torn up about all this. He swallowed.

“…I didn’t know you overheard that…but yeah. That’s what we were talking about.”

“So Matsuda-kun is a part of this too?” Of course, that made sense…he was the Ultimate Neurologist…they would need his help then, wouldn’t he. “…But he was trying to discourage you, wasn’t he? Why would he do that, but then help with it himself?”

He thought about it for a few moments.

“…He must be being forced or pressured into it…ahh, poor Matsuda-kun…”

“…I figured something like that, too. Dammit, there were so many signs that something shady was up with this…! How the hell did I never notice?”

…He could have said something about how Hinata was just a reserve, and that he couldn’t be expected to notice things like that. But somehow, even he could tell it wasn’t really the time to say something like that.

“…You really wanted to become hope,” he instead finally said, softly. Hinata looked up at him in surprise, and he ended up flushing with embarrassment at how tender his own words sounded. “…I mean…given an offer like that…it’s understandable why you wouldn’t want to look too hard. I…understand what it’s like to want to become hope too, really. In your shoes, I wouldn’t have even hesitated to agree to a project like that.”

Hinata’s eyes were wide, and then suddenly, inexplicably to Komaeda, he laughed. Komaeda blinked, then puffed out his cheeks, irritated. He felt like he was being mocked.

“Wh-What’s so funny?”

Hinata shook his head, laughter dying off. “…Sorry. I was just…so worried you’d say I should still agree to it, you know…? It’s…weird to hear you speak against that. I thought you were all about hope and talent.”

“…I am.” He huffed, irritated. “But you can’t make hope and talent in a lab. That just…wouldn’t work. It would definitely backfire on whoever was making it. It’d become despair, instead of hope. I’m certain of it. Hope isn’t something artificial. It’s much, much more than that, Hinata-kun.”

“Ah…I guess you’re right.”

“…And…” He hesitated, biting his lip as his puffed out cheeks flared up. “If Hinata-kun was erased, I think I would miss him. Just a little. I certainly wouldn’t want Hinata-kun’s body being used to fuel despair, even if it wasn’t knowingly.”

“…Ah?”

Hinata looked even more surprised by that. Then he smiled, warmly, like a huge burden had been taken off of his shoulders.

“…You know, Komaeda. You’ve changed.”

“C-Changed?” Komaeda frowned at that. “…I don’t really think so. Hinata-kun is saying strange things again.” He shook his head. “I think Hinata-kun is the one who’s changed. You used to be so puffed up and insolent, but now…”

_You’re smiling so warmly. At me, of all people._

It really was strange.

“Now, what? What were you going to say, Komaeda?”  
  
There was a teasing lilt to Hinata’s voice - Komaeda huffed, feeling like he was being made fun of.

“Just that you’re more respectful now, that’s all!” He stood up. “Now you’re treating me more like the Ultimate you should be. It’s a welcome change!”

“…Right.” Hinata chuckled, standing up after him. “You ready to go, then?”

“…Sure. I guess.”

His face felt warm as they walked off, even as irritation went through his veins. Hinata was such an irritating person - but he was such a warm person, too.

_It’s dangerous._


	8. Chapter 8

“…So…have you already told them you won’t be doing the project, anymore?” he said as they walked back to the changing room, trying to change topics. Hinata swallowed, glancing away.

“…Not yet. There’s…a bit of a problem with doing that…”

“What?” That worried Komaeda immensely - had he signed some contract and couldn’t break it…?

“…If I don’t do the project…I have to leave the school, Komaeda. I wouldn’t be able to attend Hope’s Peak anymore. My family isn’t poor, but we’re sure as hell not rich enough to pay the fees. So…”

“Oh…”

He had to admit, it was becoming more and more like that Hinata was the thing he looked forward most to seeing at school - what he had thought would be a delightful experience watching the Ultimates perform and spread hope had turned into a mass of isolation and detachment - and learning about the despairful project the school was doing only made it worse in his eyes.

If Hinata wasn’t there…

“…’s difficult, isn’t it? I gotta admit, even if we don’t go to class together, I sure as hell like seeing you more than I like seeing my classmates.”

It seemed Hinata felt the same way. Haha.

We really are alike.

He couldn’t help wondering - if he hadn’t had luck, would he be more like Hinata-kun? Would he be even more like him? Would he have come here, desperate for talent, and tried to give up his very body and mind for it?

_There’s no doubt about it. If I was that naïve…I certainly would have._

What a disturbing thought.

“…I could pay for you, if you wanted…”

Hinata looked at him in surprise, and Komaeda merely squeezed the yukata clad bear in his arms before speaking again.

“…I have…lots of money, Hinata-kun,” he elaborated. “And even if they’re doing such nefarious things…Hope’s Peak is still one of the best schools in the country - in the world, even. As a reserve student, you would have incredibly credentials for any job you wanted to take. I really wouldn’t mind spending my money on something like that.”

“…I…”

Hinata seemed shellshocked, blinking at him, and tugging on his sleeve to stop him from continuing to walk forward. Komaeda turned to him, confused.

“…I can’t…accept something like that, Komaeda.”

“What? Why?” Komaeda blinked, but Hinata just shook his head.

“I can’t just take your money, Komaeda. That’s…not right.”

“Why not?”

For some reason, Komaeda felt frustration and anger boiling in his gut. He narrowed his gaze, stepping back and pulling Hinata’s off his sleeve. The other looked up at him in surprise, then flinched as he saw the hurt swirling in his eyes.

  
“…I just…can’t. That would be wrong. To take money without working for it. I can’t take that much money as just a gift. That’s…”

“What’s so wrong about it? You want to keep attending this school, don’t you? You want to have a bright hopeful future, don’t you?”

_You want to keep being my friend….don’t you?_

“There’s nothing selfish about wanting those things. So why are you hesitating?”

“…Komaeda…”

Komaeda had heard enough - he didn’t understand why the other was refusing his offer. How ungrateful! He whirled around, heading to the locker room by himself.

“Komaeda…!”

Hinata grabbed his sleeve, looking up at him with wide, confused eyes.

“Komaeda, I…”

Komaeda merely shook off his grip, glaring up at him.

“Don’t touch me, reserve. Especially when you won’t even be a reserve for much longer.” He scoffed, watching the hurt flow through Hinata and feeling extremely guilty. Still, he turned around, heading into the locker room, and getting changed.

When he left, Hinata wasn’t waiting for him.

He walked home alone, that bear Hinata had drawn for him in his school bag. It didn’t rain. He was glad for that.

_I should be glad Hinata-kun is leaving. Isn’t that what I wished for? For him to get out of my life? Away from me? To stop taunting me with thoughts of friendship…and…_

He shuddered, remembering the warmth of Hinata’s hand and the warmth of his smile.

_…Other things…_

This is just what he wanted.

….But it wasn’t. Not really.

He hated having to admit it himself, but what he really wanted was to be free of this stupid luck. He just wanted the good luck and bad to just…stop….for the death and misery and suffering to just stop.

_I want to be able to be with Hinata-kun. That’s the truth._

Why was he so selfish? He should be happy - if he leaves, after all, his luck can’t hurt Hinata-kun. He won’t die. He won’t be hurt.

_How did a stupid reserve student who considered undergoing experimentation cause so much turmoil in me?_

He yelped quietly as he tripped on a rock - his knees were all scabbed up now. He sniffled as he stood up - it didn’t really hurt, not that bad compared to every other time he’d scabbed his knees or gotten cuts - but something at the sting caused the emotional pain he was feeling to overflow. He stumbled to his feet, holding his bag close as his eyes burned with tears.

Worthless…

He ran home, to an empty house. It was late, so his chef wasn’t here any longer. That was fine. He sniffled again, as he wrapped bandages around his knees.

His cell phone started beeping.

He didn’t want to pick it up - but he knew…

_It’s probably Hinata-kun._

Sighing, he picked up the phone after rolling his uniform pants up over the bandages, covering them smoothly.

It really was Hinata-kun.

Part of him just wanted to let it ring - but on the last possible ring, he found himself answering anyway, because he truly was worthless and desperate, wasn’t he?

“…Ah…! Komaeda…?”

“…What is it, Hinata-kun?”

Both their voices still had traces of hurt - though, Komaeda’s tone was more cold and detached, then pleading and desperate.

“…I…I wanted to apologize…I…” Hinata hesitated. “…We shouldn’t do this over the phone. I…can we meet up at the shrine? I know it’s late and you’re angry, but…”

Komaeda hesitated. Silence filled both ends of the line, before finally he gave a soft, long sigh.

“…Fine. I’ll be there in five minutes.” He fell silent for a brief moment. “I’m not waiting more then ten, Hinata-kun.”

“R-Right! Thanks.”

Komaeda hung up, then rubbed at his eyes, until the tears were all gone. When he looked in the mirror, his eyes weren’t even red anymore.

Lucky.

He threw back on his jacket, heading outside - the cicadas were still crying, almost as though they were reflecting his inner frustration.

_What am I even going to say?_

He didn’t know. So he just walked, on and on, feeling the wind rustle his hair. He should tell Hinata to just go, he knew that, but…

_There’s a lot of reasons I don’t want to do that. Hahaha._

_I’m really…a mess…_

All because of that…reserve student…who isn’t even really a reserve student…!

It was so ironic he wanted to laugh, but he stayed silent, instead just walking down the street, noticing the fireflies buzzing. Just barely. There weren’t many of them this time of year.

Leaning against the entrance to the shrine, he looked down at his phone as cars went by in streaks of red and blue. He wasn’t really paying attention.

_At least the fireflies are pretty._

“Ah, Komaeda…!”

Hinata’s voice jolted him out of his reverie - he looked up to see him rushing towards him, as if he’d ran the entire way here.

_Hinata-kun really is silly…_

It was almost endearing, really, the way he stopped and bent over, hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

“S-Sorry…” Hinata straightened up after a moment, but Komaeda couldn’t bring himself to let himself meet his eyes.

“…You’re not late, or anything,” Komaeda murmured softly, glancing away. Hinata tensed up, rubbing his eyes.

“…Komaeda…I can tell you’re angry. And this time…I really do understand why.” He shook his head, then hesitantly reached forward, hand on Komaeda’s shoulder.

“You think I’m leaving you. Right?”

Komaeda flinched at the touch, but Hinata’s held his hand firm on the shoulder, right up until Komaeda met his eyes.

“…Why would I care about that? We’re just friends, Hinata-kun. Friends move all the time. Really, I’m glad you’re leaving in a way.”

“…Don’t lie, Komaeda. I know you well enough…that I can tell when you’re lying, now. It’s been months since we met. I can tell.”

Komaeda scoffed, pulling back, glaring at the ground.

“…Don’t act like you really know me, Hinata-kun.” He crossed his arms, staring firmly at the ground as cars drove by and the gentle breeze made the leaves flutter across the ground in a nostalgic way.

“…I might not know you completely, Komaeda. But I like to think I do know you quite a bit.” Hinata murmured helplessly, slowly lowering his hand and sliding it into his pocket. “You’re lucky, but unlucky, and you like detective novels and raffles. And stuffed animals.”

“That’s childish, Hinata-kun.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. The point is that…we’re friends.” He held out his hand. “…And if I don’t know you that well, then I would like to get to know and understand you better. Komaeda. Please.”

Komaeda stared down at the offered hand, clenching his own into a fist. This was just…

How are you going to understand if you leave, Hinata-kun?

Hinata seemed to sense the question on his mind, even if Komaeda didn’t say it out loud. Maybe he did understand him better then Komaeda thought.

“Look. I know…you’re hurt, Komaeda. I hurt you. But I really…I really can’t stay there, and take your money. I can’t -”

“What else am I going to do with it?” Komaeda suddenly found himself saying in a low, cold voice, and Hinata flinched. “I went through…so much…to get that money…and yet I can’t use it to get anything I actually want.” He squeezed his own upper arm, hard. “…It’s useless. I might as well burn all of it.”

“…I heard.” Hinata said slowly, sighing and lowering his hand. “…You were kidnapped, right? When you were thirteen.”

“…So you found out.” Komaeda chuckled sardonically. “…That’s right. But…I got even more of a fortune out of it then I already had. So in the end, it wasn’t that bad.”

“…I don’t think that’s true.” Hinata stopped suddenly, face twisting in concentration before it seemed like a very obvious truth he simply hadn’t been able to grasp before had hit him straight in the face. He stared at Komaeda for a few minutes, lips parting and then he swallowed.

“…More of a fortune…then you already had…” Hinata murmured, and Komaeda remained staring at the ground, hand still gripping his own arm.

“…I thought it was weird…that you said you paid your servants…and that they said you won the lottery for yourself. I thought it was even weirder…that I’ve never seen your parents or any family photos at all. But I didn’t want to think…”

Hinata was staring at him intensely. He could feel that.

“…Komaeda…are your parents…?”

Komaeda stiffened, then laughed, sardonically. Sarcastically. “…Dead, you mean? Hinata-kun, if you want to say something, you really should just say it. Delaying the inevitable is so very…pointless. Hiding from the truth is very cowardly.”

“S-So…it’s true? Your parents…they’re,” Hinata swallowed, “…dead?”

“…Even for a reserve, it took you a long time to figure that out.” He shook his head. “…But it’s true. My parents died…years and years ago. We were in…a plane crash, you could say.”

“…We…?”

“Oh, I was there, of course.” Komaeda waved a hand. “We were going on some vacation - my father had won a raffle at work. On the way back…there were complications, let’s say.”

“Complications…?”

“Details don’t matter.” He snorted dismissively. “Even I don’t like thinking about it much, Hinata-kun.”

“…I’m sorry.” Hinata stared at him, as if he couldn’t believe his own words, But of course…they were the truth. Komaeda could remember all of it.

“You don’t have to apologize. It was a long time ago. Besides, I don’t look for pity.” He turned around, huffing.

“…Then…I’ll say thank you.”

“…Huh?”

He hadn’t expected that at all. Thanks? For what? He turned around, eyes wide and surprised, to see Hinata stretching out his hand. Komaeda’s gaze flickered from the hand, to the other’s face.

“I told you I wanted to understand you better. So…thank you for telling me something like that.”

Hinata-kun really is so strange.

Hesitantly, he extended his hand out, taking the other’s.

“…They died…because of my luck, Hinata-kun,” he found himself blurting, and Hinata looked up at him in surprise. He squeezed Hinata’s hand, before letting go, once again turning away.

“…They died…thanks to my luck. Because of me. Everyone that’s nice to me…that’s kind to me…my luck kills them all, Hinata-kun.”

“…Komaeda…” Hinata blinked a few times. “…Komaeda, that’s not your fault -”

“It is!” he snapped, turning fiercely to Hinata with gleaming eyes. “Because I knew - I figured that much out…and what did I do about it? I kept talking to people, and they just -”

Kept dying.

“…That’s why…you really should stop trying to understand me. You really do have to leave. I…I was selfish to even ask you to stay. I d-don’t know what even came over me, haha!”

“…Komaeda.” Hinata seemed at a loss for words - but Komaeda wasn’t at a loss for them. Oh no - words just kept spilling out.

“..You’ll die too, Hinata-kun. So…you really…have to stay away from me. You should go to a normal school, full of other normal people, and live a normal, long life. That’s what…you should do.”

“…Komaeda…I…” Hinata shook his head. “…I can’t do that.”

“Why not?!” Komaeda found himself snapping, hearing a crack of thunder that made them both tense. Rain. A storm. It’d start falling soon enough, and they would both be caught in it at this rate.

“…Because I promised…we’re friends, Komaeda.” Hinata’s tone was uncharacteristically soft and serious - almost tender. “…Even if I did change schools…I wasn’t going to just stop being friends with you.”

“That’s unfortunate, because I’m -”

“You’re what?” Hinata’s voice suddenly rose, as the first drops of rain began to fall, plinking off their hair and dotting the ground with dots. “You’re saying that some curse you have or whatever is going to kill me? So you’re just shoving me aside? What kind of hopeful self-flagellating crap is that?”

“…Hinata-kun -”

“I’m not standing for it, Komaeda. Luck? Bad Luck? Curse? I’m not gonna let shit like that get in the way of being with someone I like!”

“…You’ll die. Hinata-kun, I know…you’ll most definitely die. I won’t let that happen -”

“I won’t let it happen, either!”

Hinata stepped forward, as the rain dotted around them more and more, thunder rumbling above them, and took Komaeda’s hand, squeezing it hard and firmly, enough that Komaeda just had to look over and meet his gaze.

“…I’m not gonna let some stupid luck get me killed,” he said, in a low voice.

“I-It’s not a matter of letting!” Komaeda pulled back. “It’s a matter of fact, Hinata-kun…it always happens. You can’t just…will it not to happen…”

“What if it doesn’t happen?” Hinata snapped back, eyes fierce and impassioned. It was a stare that would made Komaeda flush if rain wasn’t currently starting to pound on both of them. “What if you’re wrong? What if nothing happens?”

“What if it does? You’ll die, Hinata-kun - that’s not a chance I’m willing to take…”

Hinata didn’t understand, and frankly, Komaeda didn’t really understand it himself. But this endless cycle of death and hurt and pain and superficial rewards was just -

_My fortune was unnecessary. My parents probably would have spoiled me with money, anyway. And winning the lottery on top of that was just…so pointless._

Even the thing that had cost him a long life, getting into the school of his dreams - had just been a lie. A falsehood. A false hope. A place full of deceit and experimentation and lust for money - despairful.

And he’d just been bullied and isolated - the only good thing that had come out of that was meeting Hinata, and now…

_Now something like that will be taken from me, too._

Had Hinata-kun been the good luck to offset his diagnosis? Had meeting him been the intended, fateful silver lining in a web of lies and luck?

_If that’s so, then I’ve never lost anything I gained from good luck. I still have my fortune. And my lottery winnings. As shabby as my good luck has usually been, I haven’t…lost any of it…_

_But how can I know what’s good luck or bad luck!?_

“Hinata-kun…”

His voice was soft, and somber. Hinata seemed startled by the breaking sounds of his voice, and took a step back. It was raining properly now, all the fireflies chased away and the sounds of cars shooting past puddles filling the void the cicadas had left.

“…Hinata-kun…I’m…”

Hinata stared at him, then seemed to freeze as Komaeda let out a soft sob. It was quite obvious Hinata didn’t have much experience with people crying in front of him - and in all their time together, Komaeda had certainly never cried in front of him.

“…I’m not…going to die, Komaeda,” he said slowly, taking a step forward towards Komaeda as if he were a wounded animal he was scared of skittering off. Komaeda withdrew more inside himself, hugging himself and trembling, soft little hics and sobs escaping his lips.

“…It might be presumptuous…of me to say…but…maybe I can just be…your good luck? Have you ever…lost anything you gained by good luck?”

“…N…No.” Komaeda felt like he’d reverted back to being an afraid child, tugging at his mother’s skirts and being assured that an obviously impending disaster wouldn’t happen as the alarms roared and rang throughout the air.

“…At the beginning…I met you because you happened to be being bullied, right?” Hinata took another step forward, then rested both his hands on Komaeda’s, which were still firmly on his shoulders in a desperate grab for control and stability.

“I think that would be…good luck….coming from bad luck. Yeah?”

Komaeda let out a hitched breath - it wasn’t exactly the same logistics he himself had gone through to try and justify this selfish impulse to himself, but it was close enough that he started to seriously wonder if Hinata really did understand him so much more then he would have given a reserve credit for months ago.

“T…That’s…” he hiccuped, “…a-arrogant…”

“…Maybe it is.” Hinata reached behind him, and to Komaeda’s surprise and flustered reaction, he lifted up his hood for him, shielding him from the rain. “…But I think it’s a safe bet. Don’t you?”

“…You could die…”

“…I won’t die, Komaeda.” He squeezed the other’s hand, and Komaeda felt very keenly aware of just how close they really were. “…I might leave…but I won’t die.”

“…So you’re still…going to switch schools.” He glanced away, sniffling slightly. He was glad that the rain mixed in well enough with his tears - to be perfectly honest, this was…really embarrassing.

“…” Hinata sighed. “…There’s not much I can do about that. I’m not stealing your money, Komaeda…I can’t just take…that much money.”

“…You’re so…stubborn, Hinata-kun.”

The leaves were practically whooshing around them at this point. Komaeda wasn’t exactly sure when the wind had picked up so much. It was starting to storm, though.

“…Yeah. I guess I am.” Hinata chuckled, pulling back. Komaeda sighed softly, the rain plattering and plinking around them.

“…I’ll still be attending school for the rest of the month, Komaeda -”

“…I know.”

“…I’m sorry. I…I really am…”

They fell silent, the rain falling around them, the leaves billowing. They both must have been soaked by this point, really.

This is so…aggravating.

Neither of them said it - but they both knew their chances to see each other after this if Hinata switched schools would be sorely limited. Hinata’s family took his schooling very very seriously, as Komaeda had picked up on from all that studying that Hinata did, day after day. Hinata would be far too busy to hang out with him when they weren’t on break.

They both knew that.

“…I’ll…see you, Hinata-kun. It’s really raining, now. We should…get home. Before we both get sick.”

“…Komaeda…” Hinata hesitated, but nodded slowly. “…Alright. You…you be careful, Komaeda. I mean it.”

“…Yeah.”

Komaeda turned and left first, a sinking, despairing, disgusting in his chest.

_He was so close. And I…I…_

He shuddered, disturbed by his body’s response to such closeness.

_I have to recognize it. Hope doesn’t come from running away. I must…I…_

Plain and simple, he had fallen for Hinata Hajime. That was what this feeling, was, right?

_Liking to hold hands, and have him close, like the feeling of his eyes on me, and the warmth of his smile…those aren’t just friendly reactions. Even I know that much. Even I know…those aren’t platonic feelings._

He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry even more than that, though.

How the hell did this happen…?

Hinata would be leaving at the end of the month. A stupid, arrogant, presumptuous reserve student who wouldn’t even be a reserve after all this. A stupid, supposedly worthless person that had completely captured his heart with his flustered reactions and ambition and stubbornness.

_Something’s very wrong with me._

Well…he was going to die anyway, wasn’t he? Even Matsuda-kun couldn’t keep him alive for too much longer, unless some sort of miracle occurred.

He stepped into his house, leaning against the door, and staring at the ground.

_Just what…was even the point of my life? What…kind of hope was really waiting? Was it…Hinata-kun? Someone who would stay loyal to me and try and understand me even when I gave him no reason to. No incentive._

But he was leaving…leaving him with groups of mockers and gossips and bullies.

_Was my life…just meant to be unlucky all along…?_


	9. Chapter 9

Komaeda didn’t answer his calls, even after he himself had been home for hours. Hinata, sighed, staring at his phone as it dimmed to black. His head as still spinning, really, from what Komaeda had said earlier.

_Everyone who’s nice to me dies, Hinata-kun._

“What the hell does that even mean…?” Hinata huffed, flopping back on his bed and staring up at the ceiling.

He’d seen Komaeda’s luck in action - was it really strong enough to do something like that? To kill anyone who got close to him?

Komaeda believed it…he had clearly experienced death upon death. Hinata couldn’t just…disregard his expression. The severity of it. The despair clear in his gaze. The tears…

He’d never seen Komaeda looking so vulnerable. It scared him. At the same time, it made him feel…almost flattered. Komaeda trusted him to look so vulnerable…

_And I repaid such trust with leaving._

He was slightly disgusted with himself, really - he knew what he was doing, and knew it was wrong - but there was nothing else he could do. Komaeda offering to pay for his tuition was a sign of his desperation, of course - but Hinata couldn’t just accept such an offer…! He couldn’t just…take that much money.

…His gaze, when he’d pulled up his hood…

He blushed. That was cute.

His own cheeks flushed at the thought, at the memory -  _we were so close. It was almost like…_

Stubbornly, he shook his head. He couldn’t think that about a friend - but, on the other hand, the look on his face was undeniable.

It was almost like he was…expecting a kiss…or something…

He groaned, draping an arm across his face and shaking his head. No, that couldn’t have been it…him and Komaeda were friends…

_Even if you find his sleeping face cute? Or kept holding his hand during the festival? Or got so frazzled when you saw him in that yukata?_

His blush deepened considerably at his own internal voice taunting him. He sat up, staring at a spot on the edge of the bed.

_We’re friends. Friends. Aren’t we?_

After all, if he imagining…doing intimate things with Komaeda…

Like kissing him - what if he had kissed him, so vulnerable in the rain, with tears on his cheeks and slightly parted lips - it would have been so sweet -

“What the hell am I thinking!?” he finally blurted out loud, despite the fact that he was certainly alone in this house. He grabbed the plush Komaeda had won him all those weeks ago, holding it to his chest as he blushed deep red.

N-No way…

Did he really have a crush on his friend…? On Komaeda Nagito? The kid who insulted him for being talentless and had brushed off all his help in the beginning?

_But he also…praises me…and I feel like…I learn more about life from him. Perspectives I wouldn’t get anywhere else._

He gave a soft huff into the head of the bear. This was…what was this? Was it good, or bad…?

_Definitely bad. I mean, I’m planning on leaving…going to a different school…_

With how his parents were about school and studying, there was no way he could have time to date someone who was going to another school.

Besides that…there’s no way Komaeda would…

To be perfectly fair…he didn’t really know if Komaeda would or not. He wouldn’t have anticipated Komaeda to say he was friends with a reserve. But dating one…would he really do that…?

Komaeda did look at me with such vulnerability.

He took a deep breath, heart afire with turmoil and conflict. Suddenly, amongst that turmoil, he had an idea.

It was probably a bad idea, but -

_I want to stay with Komaeda. I want to prove to him…that his life isn’t just one big unlucky joke. I want him to realize there’s hope in his life. That it’s not just some cosmic joke. That he can be happy…_

Quickly, he dialed the other’s number. He’d called a few times since arriving home, to make sure he’d gotten home okay in the storm - but the other hadn’t answered. It’d been awhile since his last call, though, so maybe…

“…Hinata-kun.” Komaeda’s voice sounded hoarse and drained, but he was there. “…You’ve called seven times in the last two hours…”

“Komaeda!” Hinata sat up straight, relieved to hear his voice.

“…What is it?”

“…I…” He tightened his grip on the phone. Did he really want…to offer something like this? Komaeda might not take him seriously at all. He might even laugh. He could feel his cheeks light up again.

“…I…I decided…I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Komaeda was silent. “…You’ll…?”

“But, listen…there has to be a condition.” Hinata stood up, still holding the plush to his chest. “…I’m not just taking money like that without doing anything for it.”

“…I don’t understand what you mean, Hinata-kun -”

“…What if I work for you?” He blurted, squeezing his eyes shut. Crap, Komaeda was definitely going to laugh - he really was sure to laugh -

But he didn’t laugh. There was a long period of silence - so long, that Hinata was sure that the phone had gone dead, or Komaeda had somehow gotten so offended that he had hung up the phone. “…K-Komaeda…?”

“…You want to work for me?”

“I-I mean…! You have servants, right - ?”

“I have a chef. Purely because if I try to cook for myself, the kitchen lights on fire every time…”

“O-Oh…” That was discouraging…still, Hinata swallowed, and pressed on. “I c-can clean, or something…? Do gardening? Come on, Komaeda, you’re rich enough to have butlers and gardeners, r-right?”

“…Are you saying you want to be my butler, Hinata-kun?”

“I - !” His face went way too red. He was glad Komaeda wasn’t actually here to see it. “…I-If that’s what you want. I can…pay off my tuition debt that way, can’t I?”

Komaeda, again, was silent, as if he was heavily contemplating, something.

_Come on, Komaeda…let me prove to you…that your life isn’t just doomed to despair and death…!_

“You’re offering…this…even knowing about my luck?”

“…Y…Yeah.” Hinata nodded. “…Komaeda, this is my life…and I decide what to do with it. Besides, I…I’m going to prove to you that your life isn’t just some big joke. Not everyone you care about…has to die.”

Komaeda, once again, went deathly quiet. Then, almost inaudibly, he sighed, as if in defeat.

“…Alright, Hinata-kun. Alright. I’m…really selfish agreeing to something like this.”

“You’re not…selfish.” Hinata immediately relaxed - sure, he’d have to work for Komaeda, and that would probably be weird…but at least he didn’t have to leave him…he didn’t have to leave. “Thank you, really.”

“…I’ll talk to you…after school tomorrow. You should probably come over.”

“…Ah, right.” Komaeda was probably tired, after all of the walking around they’d done. He probably wanted to sleep now, and it was pretty late. “…Right. I’ll see you, Komaeda. Promise.”

“…Good night, Hinata-kun.”

The phone clicked off before Hinata had a chance to return the sentiment. He stared at his phone, before flopping back. This probably wasn’t really the best idea, but it was the best he had. How hard could cleaning really be, right? And besides getting to stay with Komaeda, he’d get to graduate from one of the most highly acclaimed schools in the entire world. This was…definitely worth it. He just hoped he could balance it with his studies alright…

–

“Hinata-kun? Are you ready?”

It had been nearly twenty four hours since he’d agreed to be Komaeda’s butler, or whatever. Looking in the mirror. He almost regretted that decision.

Komaeda hadn’t wanted his clothes to get dirty, so he gave him a uniform. It was entirely black, which made Hinata glad he wouldn’t actually be a gardener. His shorts cut off just above his knees, and his jacket had several buttons and buckles on it that made it seem like going outside in the summer heat would be a death sentence. He had black gloves, too, presumably in case he had to clean up glass too. Either as a joke or because it just came with the uniform Komaeda had decided to order, he had a short necklace, with a small lock design hanging off of it. It was cute, at least…

“Hinata-kun?”

“Yeah, yeah. Did you really have to get a uniform, of all things? Isn’t that a bit excessive?” Hinata stepped out, leather boots leaving heavy footsteps. Komaeda stared at him, looking him up and down so intently it made him blush harder than he already had been.

“…It’s best to have another outfit for cleaning. Besides, I thought you would look cute.” Komaeda finally spoke up, giving him a soft smile. “It does look cute, for what it’s worth, ehehe.”  
  


Hinata looked away at that - Komaeda thought he looked cute? Probably…he was just teasing him, to get a rise out of him.

Komaeda would look cute in this kind of outfit, though.

Though, maybe the black shades would make him look just a touch too pale. With that white hair and pale skin…he might end up looking like a corpse, or something.

“Are you going to call me Komaeda-sama, Hinata-kun?”

“N-Not on your life!” Hinata sputtered, and Komaeda laughed.

“…Well, you better get to work, then.” He turned. “It shouldn’t be difficult. Just look around the mansion for places that need cleaning. Easy. There should be supplies in that closet.” He gestured towards a nearby closet - Hinata had seen several that were similar throughout the mansion while he’d looked through it to familiarize himself it.

This mansion really was made with servants in mind…

“I’ll be in my room, working. You can come talk to me if you like…”

“I’m working, Komaeda. I shouldn’t…slack off by chatting with you when I’m supposed to be working,” Hinata huffed stubbornly.

“Such a hard worker.” Komaeda shook his head, before heading off in the direction of his room. Hinata sighed out. This was a big mansion…it would probably take a while just to touch up. But this was something he had promised he would do…for Komaeda, and for himself too, really. He got to work, dusting the curtains, the furniture - a lot of this place was dusty, really. It didn’t look like even Komaeda had tried to clean a lot of these rooms in a long time.

After his parents died, I can’t really blame him, I guess.

Around dinner, he was called into the kitchen - apparently, he was supposed to bring Komaeda dinner. Right…butlers did things like that, didn’t they. They didn’t just clean…

He took the two plates of food on the tray, carefully trying to balance them. It was harder than it looked, really.

_I guess one of these…is for me, too._

Going up the stairs without tripping or dropping them was hard - but once he was in the hallway, it was much easier. He knocked on Komaeda’s door, still feeling slightly out of place acting this way.

If it’s to attend Hope’s Peak and stay with Komaeda, though…

“Komaeda? Uh, I have your dinner…”  
  
He heard shuffling, and then Komaeda opened the door, looking him over. “Aha. Hinata-kun, you really should at least call me -san when you’re working, right?”

“…I-If you really want me to -”

“It’s fine. We can eat in here, if you want.”

So the second serving…really was for me.

He nodded, eager to take a break from cleaning a giant mansion that no one had cleaned for years, really. He sat on the bed, stuffing the fish and noodles into his mouth quickly.

“…Jeez, Hinata-kun. You really were working hard, weren’t you?”

Komaeda seemed amused, if not surprised, by how dedicated he was to this job. Hinata gave a grunt, before swallowing down his bite.

“…I’m not gonna half-ass a job, especially if it’s for a friend…”

_A friend I have more than platonic feelings for._

He didn’t say that. Of course.

“…Swearing on the job, my, maybe I should dock your pay for this…”

“I’m not even getting paid, Komaeda.” He rolled his eyes. At least Komaeda seemed somewhat happier - though, even with his teasing remarks, he still seemed listless and drained. Not as drained as yesterday, but…

It must still be weighing on his mind.

So when the meal concluded after some more light teasing, and Komaeda immediately went back to homework, Hinata wasn’t surprised. He just picked up the dirty dishes, and left.

_I’ll convince you that you can be happy, Komaeda…_

The next month continued in a similar fashion - he worked every second day after school. The Hope’s Peak directors seemed disappointed and slightly incredulous when he finally refused the offer for the Kamukura Project, though at least they let him keep attending the school if he could pay for it…that meant he lost his privileges of being able to go to the Main Course building to see Matsuda for head exams - but that was a small price to pay to retain individuality.

Small price…

Komaeda still seemed slightly distant - Hinata could understand why. But it’d been three and a half months since he’d met the guy, and he hadn’t died yet. He wasn’t planning to anytime soon, either.

His less than innocent feelings about the other kept persisting. Like a snake crawling through his skull that kept whispering observations to him - how hauntingly beautiful Komaeda could look among the falling leaves or fireflies, when they sometimes met at night, or how his now small smiles seemed more sincere despite being so fragile…

_He really thinks I’m going to die._

Sometimes, Hinata would stare at the stars absently, thinking about how his life had gotten so goddamn strange. Worrying about killed by a stray lightning bolt, or a shooting star, or a car, or any other sort of weird unlucky death.

_All because I reached down to a boy being beaten._

Still, he didn’t regret it. He remembered one of his friends at the time had tried to stop him from helping Komaeda - but if he could go back…

_There’s no way in hell I would change my mind._

He wouldn’t change anything, he decided. Komaeda had made him see so many different things - so many things he wouldn’t have dreamed of as a bitter, self loathing reserve student.

_Komaeda is someone important to me. I wouldn’t even change my mind about continuing to go to this school._

Really, the only hard part was dealing with his feelings. Restraining himself from trying to act on them. He didn’t know…how Komaeda would react to such advances. Or if he even fully understood what such relationships entailed - after all, he’d seemed incredibly bemused by the idea of friendship. A romantic relationship…

He brushed his fingers over his lips, before turning and heading back inside.

But what if he does want that?

It was just too much to hope for - sure, sometimes he thought Komaeda might have been looking at him with more than…friendly intentions. Like the time he’d brought Komaeda lunch, and the other had leaned on him while eating - only to fall asleep. He must have been tired….but Hinata couldn’t help letting him snooze on his shoulder, watching him with a fascination that definitely wasn’t platonic.

But Komaeda…he didn’t think…he really felt that way about him. They were just friends, right?

_He had…offered to pay my tuition…just so I could stay with him._

But that could be just because he was holding tightly to a friend - his first real friend. Right?

Sighing, he flopped back on his bed - this was frustrating, but was it really worth jeopardizing their friendship for?

Definitely not.

He fell into an uncertain sleep, restless and not very fulfilling. He should just be happy with what he had - hell, Komaeda didn’t seem like a guy it was really easy to get very close to. And even if he seemed so drained lately…he didn’t want to break their relationship over something that could have just been hormones.

He squeezed a familiar bear as he slept.


	10. Chapter 10

Komaeda really, truly didn’t understand what was wrong with him. He’d thought, after all this time, those dirty and selfish feelings would have washed themselves far, far away. Dissipated by how distant he was keeping himself from Hinata - he mostly worked while the other cleaned, and only spoke to him at meals.

_There was the time I fell asleep on him, though…._

His face got warm just thinking about it, just remembering it. He was….so very careless, wasn’t he?

_Why am I so desperate for affection….? Why now, of all times…_

Why with him? He still…didn’t quite understand it.  
  
_I suppose…Hinata-kun is just relaxing to be around. He’s calming, gets flustered easily, isn’t bad to look at, and…accepts me…_

Even when he thinks he might die…!

With that kind of hapless determination…how could he resist? How could he see that as anything less than hope? How could he not fall for something like that?

_Careless. I’m careless._

Careless, selfish, desperate Komaeda Nagito.

“Komaeda, I’m done for the day.”

He jolted as he heard Hinata’s voice behind him, whirling around. He’d already gotten changed…he was probably prepared to leave.

Komaeda wasn’t the best at reading people, but he could tell that Hinata himself had been antsy lately - he chalked it mostly up to his new position as a servant of Komaeda’s, really. But even now, he looked slightly out of sorts.

Probably nothing.

“Alright. You can go then, Hinata-kun. I’ll see you at school.”  
  
But to his surprise, Hinata didn’t leave right away like his attire suggested he was wanting to do - he just stood there, like he was deciding between two conflicting decisions.

“…Hinata-kun?”

“…Can you walk me home, Komaeda?” Hinata suddenly blurted, making Komaeda blink in surprise. He supposed it was late, and dark out - but Hinata wasn’t really someone afraid of the dark. Besides, he had to know that it would probably happen to start raining the second Komaeda walked outside.

But he looks…uncertain.

Curiosity piqued, despite his usual distance from Hinata lately, he stood up, slipping on his loose hoodie. “Alright, Hinata-kun. If you really want me too…I didn’t know someone like you would be scared of the dark and need to be walked home, though…”

“I-It’s not the dark.” Hinata puffed up, and Komaeda couldn’t help but laugh. Ah. He’s really cute like this,

I really have to…stop thinking things like this.

“Oh, so you’re admitting you’re scared of something else out there, Hinata-kun?”

“I-I’m not! Just hurry up!”

“Before it gets too dark out?”

“…Ugh.” Hinata rolled his eyes, heading out of the room, Komaeda still laughing. He followed after, pulling up his hood just in case he was unlucky enough for it start raining.

It was a quiet evening, all things considered. The wind was barely blowing, and the stars glittered above them, clear to see. Komaeda found himself looking up at them, humming happily.

“…So, Komaeda…”  
  
Hinata’s tone sounded serious - Komaeda wondered, worried, what he could be so serious about. He swallowed, but looked over to him.

Hinata-kun looks pretty in the moonlight.

_**…I really, really, really have to stop thinking things like that.** _

“So…a month I’ve been working for you, huh? And I still haven’t…been hurt or anything.”

“Ah.”

Komaeda should have known this would come up eventually - Hinata really was cruel, to put hope in his heart like this. What if he…really was unaffected? What if he really was a form of good luck that simply…couldn’t be taken from him?

_Haha. If only a dream like that could come true…_

“…I told you, Komaeda…I’m not gonna let luck…or some curse…keep from something so important to me.”

So important…

“Hinata-kun, you’ll make me blush,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood, trying to stray away from this topic because he really, really didn’t want to think he was worthy of such a miracle like this -

But, to his surprise, Hinata didn’t react with a joking remark in return - instead, he merely turned back to him, eyes soft and somber and serious.

…Eh…huh?

“Ah…H-Hinata-kun, if you stare at me so intensely, I really will blush…!”

S-Seriously, why are you looking at me like that…? Cut it out, Hinata-kun…it’s weird…it’s dangerous…

“…Maybe…I want to make you blush, Komaeda.”

“…Eh…?”

He stared at Hinata as they both stopped walking - but Hinata’s eyes showed no signs of teasing, or joking - no, they were deathly serious - resolved, and full of determination, of hope, a sight that Komaeda couldn’t stop from making his heart skip at.

“H-Hinata-kun…what’s that supposed to even mean…?”

What are you even…saying, Hinata-kun?

Hinata seemed to falter, just a little, rubbing the back of his neck and faltering slightly in his words. He didn’t understand at all. What was Hinata thinking? Why would he want to see him blush?

Well, it was working, as the awkward silence crept on - his face grew steadily warmer as Hinata kept meeting his gaze.

“…Hinata-kun?”

I don’t…understand…

“…Why wouldn’t I want to see you blush?” Hinata seemed to come to a decision, stepping forward so decisively, so firmly, that Komaeda felt intimidated - he ended up taking a step back, leaning against the wall, confused.

_Hinata-kun’s close. Too close. Like that night we were out in the rain._

“…Komaeda, we’ve been friends…for three months. But I…” Hinata seemed to be in a great deal of turmoil, by his observations - his eyes were still full of hope and determination, but also a keen fear - of what? Failure? Komaeda couldn’t really know that.

“…I can’t…go on just pretending…”

“…Pretending…what?”

Those words lit a match of anxiety deep within his gut - pretending what? To be friends? To care about him?

No, it can’t be that…

He trusted…Hinata-kun. He wasn’t lying when he said he cared about him. He…he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He wouldn’t do that…

“…Pretending…that these other feelings aren’t there.”

“Other…feelings?”

Hinata was really close. Komaeda was having difficulty even reading his expression - his face was red, though, just like his. He could tell that much. The atmosphere felt charged, like one stray, slow spoken word, could set it all aflame and afire and destroy all of it.

This is…

“Komaeda. Komaeda, I…” Hinata shuddered, what Komaeda caught as self loathing deep within his gaze. This was starting to really concern him.

What if he was…just lying…? Or what if he’s grown impatient with me?

If he had…If he had…then…

Wouldn’t that be best for both of them?

Komaeda could go on just…back to how he was before. With no friends, no fleeting hope of a normal life, of pure and uncomplicated and simple happiness that most others took for granted. No, he wouldn’t have this temptation in front of him, someone who accepted and cared about one. Someone so egregiously normal, it was almost like Hinata Hajime was a symbol of the kind of life he secretly ached to have, that kind of carefree life where luck didn’t control every quivering and connected strand of fate, didn’t break any chance at pure happiness or pure despair.

Just…normal. That’s what Hinata Hajime was. A normal boy, who was a huge temptation to him, who reminded him so deeply of what he wanted for himself, who was bright and hopeful and stubborn and got flustered easily and studied too hard and had way too much pride and honour, who helped boys who were bullied even if they were jerks to him after, who looked at him and saw someone he wanted to know, to understand, when most people looked at Komaeda and just saw a weird freak  -

_**Someone I love.** _

He knew it, looking into Hinata Hajime’s eyes, that it had to be true. It had to be - it was a truth so inexorable and so entwined with his heart’s desires that he simply couldn’t deny it anymore.

“Hinata-kun…”

If you love something, let it go -

“…We’re friends. So please, tell me what’s worrying you.” He gave the other a soft smile, raising his hands to rest on the other’s shoulders, watching as he gave a cute little jolt.

If it’s meant to be…it’ll return to you…

_Even if Hinata-kun says he’s tired of being around, or that I bother him, or annoy him - that I’m weird or strange…he still gave me a chance. He gave me more of a chance than anyone else I’ve ever known my entire life. And he’s still here, still alive and breathing, still looking so worried and conflicted…even if he says that…I’ll still…_

“…Komaeda…” Hinata spoke up, face red - ears red, even. That was cute.

_If he’s going to leave, then it’s okay to think things like that for a little while longer. Just a little. I was never meant to have happiness anyway. This tiny taste of acceptance and understanding…I can revel in it…for just a little bit longer, can’t I?_

“…I…I think…” Hinata was staring at the ground now, which seemed like such a shame. “…I think I like you.”

…Oh?

“…Like?” Komaeda said softly, but already his heart felt like it was tumbling - the way Hinata was saying that - even he wasn’t dense enough to think he just meant in a friendly way. But, maybe he was just projecting…no, he was probably projecting, he would never -

“Like…as in…” Hinata’s voice went very small, before he suddenly swallowed and looking up, that same fire in his eyes. “…More than…a friend.”

Oh.

For a moment, his heart stopped - for a moment, it was as though everything was frozen, ice flowing through his veins instead of like, the air chilled by a frigid mist that  turned everything it touch to snow and ice, despite it being summer. He stared into Hinata Hajime’s hazel eyes, and it was though there was nothing in them but aching self loathing and guilt and…and…

Hope.

Finally, everything came screeching back into focus - his heart started beating five times as fast to make up for when it was frozen, his own eyes widened, and he felt as though an anvil had hit him over and over and he was simply too stunned to realize it.

“Hinata….kun…”

“I know…I know this might ruin our friendship. I-It really doesn’t have to. Really! No matter what…I promised to stay by your side -  I’m going to prove to you that your luck isn’t absolute, no matter what I have to do, but, I just wanted to say it - even if I’m less than a reserve, even if I’m just a talentless bore, I just -”

This is so very surreal.

“I just…wanted you to know…I…” Hinata looked so insecure, so unconfident - Komaeda had never seen him look like this. “…I’m sorry.”

Komaeda was silent, but he was still gripping Hinata’s shoulders - even when the other tried to awkwardly pull away, Komaeda’s hands and grip remained stubbornly firm.

“…Komaeda…?”

“…Hinata-kun…” He sighed. “…Hinata-kun…likes me…?”

“W-Why are you saying it like that?” Hinata huffed up, though Komaeda had really just been repeating the words in awe, and had no intention of riling up Hinata. “I…I mean…you’re not bad looking, a-and you’re nice to be around - i-is it really so weird that I’d care about you so much - ?”

“…” Komaeda didn’t know what to do - but the sinful parts of his blackened heart were singing. He was tired. He was tired of keeping Hinata distant, of keeping himself hidden away from him, from trying to keep him safe.

He was tired of people dying, leaving, of being alone. He was tired of having no one to share his aching heart with. He was so, so, so very tired. He leaned forward, and hugged the other, much to the other’s embarrassment and surprise.

“…Hinata-kun,” he heard himself whisper. “I like you too.”

“…Oh…? Oh…” Hinata swallowed, jolting in his arms. Slowly, though, Komaeda felt arms encircle his waist and back - strong arms, stronger than they looked. Hinata was very strong, really…

_This surely must be a form of cruel paradise for me._

“T-That’s…good…isn’t it…?”

“…It makes…me feel happy. It feels surreal…but…” Komaeda closed his eyes, “…my luck, Hinata-kun -”

“How many times do I have to tell you…? I’m not gonna let something like that affect me. I’m going to stay with you. You’re important to me. I’m not leaving - through luck or otherwise. Sorry, Komaeda Nagito, but you’re stuck with me. A simple, boring, reserve.”

“…Haha.” Komaeda couldn’t help but laugh quietly. “…Hinata-kun. I don’t just like you. I love you. I love you. So you shouldn’t call yourself simple. Or act like you’re a burden.”

Hinata-kun isn’t a burden, even if he has his faults.

“…L-Love…? I…oh…”

Hinata-kun obviously hadn’t been expecting to hear the word love. Komaeda could even feel his cheeks burning, from where his head was resting atop his shoulder.

“…Sorry. Was that weird to say? Sorry. But it’s the truth, Hinata-kun.”

“…I…um. That’s…pretty serious, Komaeda -”

“I know how serious it is.”

There was a long silence, Komaeda feeling his heart still hammer and beat against his chest, relentless and stabbing and cruel. What am I supposed to do with this? Was Hinata-kun really good luck all along? Can he…really stay with me…?

“…Will Hinata-kun…really stay with me?”

He looked up at him with wide eyes, vulnerable eyes - like this, he could see just how red Hinata’s face was, or how bright his eyes were. He seemed taken aback by the seriousness of his question, and swallowed, before nodding without any further hesitation.

“…Yeah. I…I will…I know I might just be a reserve…but I’m your good luck, remember?”

“…That’s arrogant.”

  
“You said that last time I said I was good luck.”

“You’re…still arrogant, then.”

But he was the real arrogant one - daring to think that he could overcome the obvious will of the gods, the will that had made him so miserable and at the mercy of luck and fortune and fate for so very long. He thought he could overcome that and be happy? What kind of hubris did he have?

But Hinata looked so hopeful when he spoke of it, so bright and wonderful and impassioned - he really thought they could be together. He really thought that nothing would tear them apart. In a way, that level of idiotic hope was, absurdly contagious. Komaeda couldn’t help but share the sentiment. He couldn’t help it.

Maybe this much good luck is…sustainable?

It wasn’t like Hinata was an Ultimate - a bright symbol of hope. And yet, somehow, even with that, he was giving him such a damnably hopeful glance, filling with so much hope himself, that it was just…impossible to ignore. Impossible to say Hinata was just worthless.

Good luck, huh…

“I don’t want Hinata-kun to be hurt, but…I want…to be with Hinata-kun anyway. Haha. I’m so…selfish. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think it’s selfish.” Hinata urged him, tempting him like a snake in his ear, like he was Eve about to eat the forbidden fruit. “It’s not selfish to want to be loved.”

 _In truth, I’ve wanted love and understanding more then anything in the entire world_.

“…Hinata-kun…”

Hinata gave a soft sigh, then, surprising Komaeda, bopped his forehead against his own and rested it there. He was so close.

“…Komaeda…do you remember what my name means?”

“…Huh?”

It seemed a very random thing to say, and Komaeda shook his head. “I…what do you mean, Hinata-kun?”

He realized, very keenly, that since he was asking the meaning of his name, that that question could have a double meaning. Maybe Hinata intended that.

Hinata rolled his eyes, but lifted his hands to cup the other’s cheeks. “The way it’s written…it means to face the new day, Komaeda.”

Face the new day…

“So….let me be your new day, yeah? Let me…end this vicious cycle of luck for you. I promise…I promise, Nagito.”

_Nagito._

His heart was going completely haywire from all these words, these touches - he was helpless, and felt like it. Like he was just goo waiting to melt under Hinata’s touch.

“Let’s face a new day together. Yeah?”

“That’s…really corny, Hinata-kun. Jeez.”  
  
“I-It’s not corny!  It’s romantic.”

He looked into Hinata’s flustered eyes, and couldn’t help, even with all the stress, and all the guilt, smiling softly. So softly, and so serenely.

_I want to face a new day with Hinata-kun. I want him to be my bright dawn. I want him to be my good luck._

_He’s fussy, and can be rude, blunt, stubborn, works far too hard, and is far too gullible. He has  the silliest mochi preferences, and his hair looks like a chestnut - really, he is a lot like a chestnut, isn’t he. He’s just an inch shorter then me, and that annoys him, and he’s far too prideful for a reserve -_

_But somehow, I love him dearly all the same._

_Please, God. I’m already dying. I know Matsuda-kun has slowed to process…but please, let me have this…let me have a new dawn, just for a little while, just until the sun has to set. Please…don’t let this hope be another betrayal, like the academy._

_Please. Just for a little while…let me be happy…_

“…Y-You look way too pretty like that,” Hinata stuttered, and Komaeda couldn’t help but laugh, brightly, to the other’s surprise.

“…I love you, Hinata-kun.”  
  
“I…I -” Hinata dropped his hands to the other’s shoulders, pulling back just a little. “…I love you too, Nagito.”

“Eheh…loving someone like me…you really did get dropped as a baby or something…”

“…Nah. Don’t think so.”

They were really close. Really close. Komaeda lowered his hand to grip the other’s tightly, interlocking their fingers.

_Please, God. Let this red string of fate that connects us…not break on his end. Please. Let him be my new dawn. My good luck. My love._

“…I held your hand at the festival. You remember that?”

“How could I forget, Hinata-kun? Your hand…was really warm. Even back then, I noticed that, you know?”

“…You really say embarrassing stuff. Jeez.”

“…Hinata-kun? Are you happy?”

“Wh -” Hinata gave a smile then, warm and accepting and bright. “Of course I’m happy. Did I look like I wasn’t? Sorry, I’m just relieved, I guess. I thought for sure you’d just reject me.”

  
“I thought I would too, but…” He squeezed his hand. “…A new day with you…does sound like it could be a miracle. Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Hinata nodded. “It does.” He paused for a moment, searching Komaeda’s face. “…Komaeda? Nagito?”

“Y…Yeah?”

Hearing his given name from the other…still made his heart soar in his chest.

“…Can I, uh, kiss you?”

Komaeda went scarlet at the suggestion - he’d imagined it before, especially after that night in the rain, but…

“…O-Of course. Hinata-kun.”

Hinata gently pushed him so he was leaning against the wall again, meeting his gaze intently. Slowly, a rumble of thunder went above them, and the first blips of rain began to fall and plink idly off their hair and noses. Again.

“…You should call me Hajime, Nagito.”

“…Ah…Hinata-kun…it’s raining -”

“…Hajime.”

Hinata was just a few inches away. He could feel his breath on his lips. He shuddered, and it certainly wasn’t just from the cold or rain.

“Ha…Hajime…” he managed to whisper, before his lips were caught in soft, warm ones. He gasped softly, before wrapping his arms around the other, pulling him closer, feeling the warmth and acceptance cascade over him just as the rain did.

_I don’t know if this is true love. Or if this is just first love. Teen love.  I don’t know if it’ll last more than a month after this. Or if I’ll truly get to be happy, even for just a while._

_But…even at the end of this…even looking back on how innocuous that first meeting was - how we so easily could have never met again after that…_

_…I wouldn’t change any of it., I know that’s selfish. But…I wouldn’t give up…on facing the new dawn together with him. Never._

_…I mean, that’s what hope is, right? And maybe, just maybe…while I realized there was hope inside of him, inside of a reserve student who nearly got molded into complete talent…_

_Maybe somehow…he’s made me realize…there’s some hope within me, too._

_Maybe…this feeling…can really last. Maybe._

After the kiss, he held Hinata’s hand all the way to his house, giddy and anxious both. When he headed home, nothing bad happened. When he called Hinata, nothing bad had happened to him. For days, and days, then weeks and weeks, nothing extraordinarily bad happened to either of them. It was just like…they were normal. Dating. And happy.

“Hajime! You put sugar in my tea!” Komaeda called over his shoulder, scowling.

“Ah? Sorry, sorry.”

Hinata returned, pouring a fresh cup of tea for him, in a brand new cup, over his desk. Komaeda hummed, openly admiring the sight of Hinata in that butler’s outfit.

“There. Is that - mmph…” After he’d finished, Komaeda had pulled on his collar, kissing him shortly, but deeply.

“…That’s definitely better. Thank you, Hajime.”

“…R-Right.” Hinata scowled. “…Did I just make it right, and you called me over just for a kiss? You could have just asked…”

“As if I would do such a deceitful thing, Hajime! For shame!”

“…Right…”

Sometimes, he still worried - he couldn’t help it. He worried that his precious luck, his precious dawn, would be taken from him. But it never happened. They were happy, working and studying and laughing together.

_It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Hajime really was…my new day._

And, really, that was the most hope…he could ever have asked for. This was enough. He was certain of that, if nothing else.

_I’ll believe in this hope. I will. Forever and ever. I’ll believe in him…even if he can be unreliable and clumsy…I will always…believe in him and have faith in us._

And, even though it seems so inexplicable, he knew Hinata felt the same way. He smiled as Hinata took back the tea tray, and went back to work.

_I’ll have faith…in this initially innocuous new dawn._


End file.
